Archived News:
3/6/01 - 6/1/01    6/2/01 - 9/16/01
9/16/01 - 2/14/02    2/17/02 - 7/20/02
7/20/02 - 1/26/03    1/26/03 - current


 September 16, 2001 8.41pm est - Togaen

Under the guise of order and increased clarity I've made a bunch of changes to the site, mostly structural... so if there're any b0rk'd links or whatever, tell me.
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 September 16, 2001 7.20pm est - Tristan

And I also want to tell all those people in Vaudeville how cool my weekend was. It may come to no suprise to many, that I went to Astrofest this weekend. The best starparty in the midwest. And both nights were clear, and I observed all night and all day. It was great. One of the best star parties i have ever been to. I also wanted to get a bumper sticker that says : "Astronomers do it all night" but they sold out of them. I thought that would look cool on the back of the jeep. It was soo cool, all i did was look at astronomy stuff and eat "astro dogs" which are hot dogs...but at astrofest...yeah....ok. Anyway it was really cool, and just wanted to tell everyone because I am a sad sad little man with a lot of Stud DNA. I leave you all with a quote that, to me, symbolizes all that we have achieved together....

" ONE MORNING I SHOT AN ELEPHANT IN MY PAJAMAS.... HOW HE GOT IN MY PAJAMAS I DON'T KNOW" --Graucho Marx
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 September 16, 2001 6.08pm est - Togaen

I have eaten absolutely nothing today except brownies and cookies.

Something inside says I shouldn't be so pleased with this; but I don't feel nuthin'... in fact, I think I'm gonna go get another brownie.

mmmmmm.... sinful pleasures....
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 September 16, 2001 10.12am est - Togaen

In a piece of related news, I've recently become quite happy with how early I woke up, talk about a great way to start the day... man, I'll tell ya...
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 September 16, 2001 9.51am est - Togaen

Might I direct everyone's attention and browser to:

barelylegalpads.com

Oh yes, you just wait until we have something to put there...
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 September 16, 2001 9.29am est - Togaen

Ahhh... now I feel better, after a nice, long, sound night of sleep...

"But wait", you say, "according to the update times you weren't even asleep six hours..."

Yeah... I noticed that when I looked at my damn alarm clock. I believe the phrase, "what the fuck, you have got to be kidding me" went through my head several times.

Jebus Cripes.
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 September 16, 2001 3.45am est - Togaen

What the hell man. My body hates me, it will not let me sleep. Oh sure, my nice comfy bed helped... for about three days, and ever since I've had to lay awake for about three hours before I finally die for the night.

sucks.
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 September 15, 2001 11.06pm est - Togaen

Started out to add two things, ended up adding five... ain't that just the way the cookie crumbles.

g'night.
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 September 15, 2001 9.54pm est - Togaen

I was working on a story to post, but it's having a bad hair day or some damn thing and just isn't going to happen anytime soon, it just isn't behaving. It's weird really, I'll be sitting there writing and what's coming out on the screen or paper just has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to be construing. So sorry to get anyone's hopes up.

*cough*

It's fucked up though, it's like my stories have a mind of there own... wait... anyone ever read "The Dark Half"? I'm scared now, if you run into anyone named George Stark, kill him. Trust me.

Yeah, anyway, to fill the incredibly painful void that is surely eating away your very soul right now, I'm going to have one to post in it's stead. Am I going to finish this one? Yes, believe it or not, unlike that other one, this one is almost done, and actually better than I thought it would be. There aren't even any wildly surreal abractions of decaying deities in this one, no obscenely graphic dipictions of otherworldly depravity... nope, just a plain old story. I'll tell you too, it's not as easy as I thought it was; I've got a whole new respect for authors now.

Isaac Asimov. How he did it, I'll never know.

Check this out, it's pretty good. It's like was I was trying to say awhile back, but I have problems with being wordy and overdrawn at the 'flowery language' bank... weaving intricate dances around the point without ever getting to it.

Oh man, you want a good example of that? gimme a few minutes and look here, I just remembered some stuff I wrote for Comp. class awhile back that I've been meaning to post... wow, they are gems.

over and out.
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 September 14, 2001 8.57pm est - Togaen

Ah, back to my roots... spending all day tweaking my website. Got 'er down to 4.35MB, and have fixed many errors.
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 September 14, 2001 2.19pm est - Togaen

It's been awhile since I monkeyed with anything on the site so I redid the good links page... and wouldn't you know it, it's half way decent now; much much smaller to. I also flagged all frames as 'noresize' so now you can't make the page look ugly... neener neener neener.
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 September 12, 2001 5.39pm est - Togaen

Wow, finally I can move on to more important things. God bless mathematics... and all this time I thought it was my grapefruit fetish...
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 September 12, 2001 4.05pm est - Togaen

Does ICQ pager spam annoy anyone else? Anyway...

How does the prospect of your very own togaen.com e-mail account sound? Are you as excited as I think you all are? Yeah, thought so... well in case you need a spare account to have your daily porn subscriptions sent to, drop me a line here: gimmeone@togaen.com.

Hm, right now, right there... just as I suspected, my hypothesis was proved correct, my experiment a success... well, I guess you could call it that anyway.

Oh well.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

...
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 September 12, 2001 3.41pm est - Dave

Okay, who all is pissed? Raise your hand. I know this is gonna be a shit load of hands. The World Trade center looks like it just got crushed by my dick but this time it wasn't my dick. It was some other asshole's dick. And who ever's dick it was, it's gonna be cut the fuck off. As a citizen of the United States I'd have to say that no one messes with this country and gets away with it. And whoever did this won't get away either. The dumb fucks pulled this off pretty good as in precision wise but blowing up our buildings like Bush said, won't hurt the heart of the US nor will it actually affect us. Yeah you bastards, you got the twin towers in NY and a few thousand people, you've made us cry for the people you have killed, you've made us mad cuz of what you have done, and you've knocked down our buildings, but what you haven't done is, you haven't worried us, you haven't scared us, nor have you stopped us from continuing what we are going to do to your asses when we find you. ( Be right back, gots to do battle with the porcelian gods...) Ok, I'm back. Anyway, like I said, we are mildly wounded. This wasn't even a flesh wound, it was more like a misquito's bite or poke of it's needle. Now what will happen to you will be the last time you guys see light, cuz we will cloud you all with darkness. Anyway, I give thanks to the people who are helping the people in NY, and I am terribly sorry for what has happened to people who have been killed by this pussy ass cowardly act. The people who have died will be avenged. Anyway, I'm gonna go watch the news some more. Then go work out so I can kick some ass if there is ever a need for my assistance. Bless the USA and bless all my fellow citizens. PEACE!
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 September 11, 2001 9.27pm est - Togaen

"The world should be a better place because of McDonald's"
- Chairman and CEO Jack Greenberg


Hahahahahahahaha.

"McDonald's believes in the ethical treatment of animals, and that animals should be raised, transported and slaughtered in an environment free from cruelty, abuse and neglect."
- McDonalds statement


Ummm?
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 September 11, 2001 8.09pm est - Togaen

You know, for all I or anyone likes to point fun at the government, I must say that I'm very impressed with how they handled this whole terrorist thing, they did all the right things, and from what I've seen they have been real good about making these three points:

Our government has and will continue to operate at full capacity.

We will search for those responsible and will not stop or back down until each and every one of them even remotely involved has suffered greatly.

And underlying those two points is the none-to-subtly implied: You guys fucked with the wrong country.

Now I know why we're a world power, we may not be the smartest, oldest, or most well equipped leaders, but hot damn, when push comes to shove we know how to get our asses in gear.

Ahhh... one of the very few times I feel truly patriotic.
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 September 11, 2001 11.53am est - Togaen

"Be calm, evacuate lower Manhattan."
- Giuliani


Okay, the twin towers of the World Trade Center have been utterly destroyed, the Pentagon is in shambles, the State Department was attacked, all U.S. airports are indefinately shut down and four airliners have crashed with likely 100% fatality.

This is terrible. I hope we get the people that did this and make an example of them.
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 September 09, 2001 1.01pm est - Togaen

I was amusing myself with my guitar, but I managed to lose my pick... while I was playing. Doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment does it? Well I guarantee you, as I was situated only a master of misplacement such as myself could do this.

So I figured I'd dawdle around on my website; I'd have to put forth effort to lose this.

I've got a project in the works that will be the end all of coolness... don't believe me? Well, I'll just say that it's not mine solely, but a collaboration between myself and Tristan "I'm like a cheerleader but hot" Reitz... so obviously it will be life altering AND earth shattering.

Want a hint? How's this: pornography will never be the same.

Speaking of such cataclysmic events, I learned something Friday in Operations Research that shook the very foundations upon which I have built myself. Think you can handle this truth? Well, we'll see about that, you just make sure you're sitting down, strapped in, feet and arms inside the cart, socks firmly secured, in good cardiac health and not nursing or pregnant... here goes...

You're not supposed to put two spaces at the end of a sentence.

Breathe... just breathe, close your eyes and focus... it'll be okay... I know you're shocked, but as with kidney stones and maladroit presidents, this too shall pass. The only reason the habit of two spaces came about was due to fixed width fonts on typewriters and computers. So the only proper time to use two spaces is in such a circumstance, otherwise, you're only to use one.

I'm still recovering from that one, I even had a hard time concentrating at the Tool concert because of it...

Actually, no I didn't, because I was far too busy being blown away, awed, inspired, and what have you to think about proper writing syntax.

To anyone that missed it, I would try to offer words of consolation, but whenever I try, the only words that make it out are: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

; )
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 August 26, 2001 12.30pm est - Togaen

I got to thinking last night, and I decided to run a little experiment- so you won't see anything here for awhile.

Try to contain the excitement.

If you happen to send me anything (and if you feel the urge, please do) don't be alarmed if nothing happens... it'll just be awhile.
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 August 26, 2001 11.08am est - Togaen

"It takes a big man to cry. But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."-Jack Handy

"GAMES DONT KILL PEOPLES, CAMPING FAGOTS WITH TEH REDEEMER NUCLEUR MISSLE GUN KILLS PEOPLE." -JeffK
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 August 24, 2001 12.04pm est - Togean

I'm done with class at ten, and I don't even have to work today. I feel kinda dirty... I mean it's Friday after all. Of course, a day like this is completely wasted on me, but hey, it's still fun.
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 August 23, 2001 12.48pm est - Tristan

Holy shit, I hope I am not the only person to read Dave's greatest post yet. That thing was a masterpeice of epic proportions. I just wanted to fuck dave more than usual!!!! Holy monkey lovin dog babies. In that one post....Dave has managed to revolutionize "Jeff's webpage writing posts" in one day. No one can top that....No one. Dave is the Lance Armstrong of post writings. No matter how hard we try...Dave is just stronger.. and hotter. Although Tyson's NIGHT RAPIST, and MAN WITH THE GOLDEN PENIS, will go down in history for being sweet ass (much like Tyson) they still cannot compare. Schools should make kids read that post. Granted, 3/4 of them would cry themselves to sleep for the next 12 years, but still they have to read it. Dave has elevated the art form like no other. Kinda like Tyson elevated fucking. The pinnacle has been reached. The Everest of posts has been written, and the only thing we can do is read, la! ugh, and whack it because dave is so hot, and damn....shit he is hot.
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 August 22, 2001 10.33pm est - Togaen

I managed to be occupied the whole day... a new first for me. I pretty proud of myself; and I've even still got projects to work on, gosh, things to do, it's so much fun.

Ha, welcome to my world, the horizons span infinitely on seas of boredom.
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 August 22, 2001 6.09pm est - Togaen

Fixed a bunch of little stuff, spelling, etc, that sort of thing. If you're curious and/or bored, look here, every section has something new.

Wow, I've been at this for the better part of seven hours. It is my sincere belief that that is not a good thing, no matter how much I like doing it. Therefore, I am going to listen to some Tool and then get the hell out of the house. Where will I go? Why, you may as well breed an elephant and rhinoceros rather than try and answer that question!

Oh. My. God. If anyone got that joke, I am so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. In with Maynard, out with me, catch you all on the flip side.
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 August 22, 2001 4.38pm est - Togaen

Okay, I have never put so much stuff up at once in my entire life... and this is all stuff I had just lying around waiting. I was going to finish some new stuff, but... yeah, not right now, I'm beat.

Enjoy the fun, and let me know I fubar'd anything.
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 August 22, 2001 4.37pm est - Dave

Okay everyone, I just want to reply to my own post to tell everyone about maybe a slight misunderstanding. Okay, when I said grow old, I mean grow old, about 80 years old or so. I hope you caught that anyway but yeah,t hat is what I mean when I said "when man grows old". Okay, Wild Dragon out.
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 August 22, 2001 3.42pm est - Togaen

There's a thunderstorm lashing out at the world right outside my window... I should shut the computer off, but nah.

::&::

Wow... torrential rain is cool.
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 August 22, 2001 9.55am est - Dave

Uhh... wow.
- Togaen

Since the dawn of history, man has been seen as...well...a man. Not until recently in our lives have we seen man in a different way. We view man as a sex symbol now adays. When I say man I mean men and women. We all know that this true fact when I say all man are born perverted. That includes priests, monks, janitors, John's, Jeff's, Dan's, Dave's, etc. Now, they are born perverted but it is later on in life they choose to be the way in which they were born. Think about it, what is the first thing a baby looks at when he comes out of his mom? I mean damn, it's right in front of his noggin. Of course he does not remember this nor does he care to butit's a start of man's perversions. Ok, let's move away from that. How about the times when you were a little baby and I'm sure every man or woman has showered with his/her's moms when they were like 5 months old. Of course once again, they do not remember those times nor do they care to but that is another fact of man's perverted beginnings. I'm sure when you were 5 months old you were curious of those "bumps" on your mom. Curiousity is a sign of being perverted. No matter who you were curious of and when. ONce again, we don't remember those times nor once again shall we care. Ok, enough about our moms. Yeah, that was gross just typing it out. But I have to get my point across. Anyway, we are all perverted no matter what. They just failed to mention it in the bible that all men are created perverted. It's the same thing when they say that when a man is born, he is a sinner. And it's if later in life, he chooses to either stay that way or change and accept jesus in your heart of whatever (I've already accepted Jesus. I let him into my door. That is what the guy said to me and Tyson at the Wood County Fair, I'm going to Heaven!! .). Anyway, so man is now older and more curious of his sexual being and sexuality. This happens when man suddenly feels this taught feeling in his pants. Called "wood" or a "boner". After the "boner" saga, man experiences what we call "jizzing" in bed or it's more scientific and more understandable name, "A wet dream". The result of a wet dream is not that the dream is wet but when a man jizzes in his sleep. Kinda funky eh? But cool...hehe. Oh I mean anyway.... So man jizzes in his sleep, he starts to become more curious. So, then comes pornography. Pornography is the root to a man's most perverted fantasies. A man's mind is the root of all perversions. remember that. Uhh, nevermind, don't. Anyway, with the following of "porno" comes man and touching himself. He starts to experiment with himself, this "process" is called "masturbation" or in other words, whacking off! Yeah, I'm familiar with that phrase. Man suddenly gets this intense feeling and blows his wad or what some may call "unfertilized sperm". So this leads to that blah blah blah....blah oral sex blah blah....fucking...blah blah..back to whacking off..blah blah...and then eventually to different other things which may include raping donkeys or any such animals, jerking off to swaying tea in a tea cup, and maybe fucking the tailpipe of a hot exotic car. Whatever the road shall take man, there are many. And then man grows old and becomes more sexually aroused than ever before. Only one problem though, he dick has trouble communicating with the nuts which in turn has problems communicating with his head. Such as, it pops up when he doesn't want it to and then never pops up when he wants it to or he blows his fucking wad all over a girl's face when he didn't even do a damn thing. Or when he does blow his wad, a single drop of semen comes out and he is wondering WTF!?!?! Problems such as those. OH and Jessica Alba is hot. Nevertheless man will always be man and he will always fuck women why? Cuz we are men and women need cock! So in conclusion to all of this: Tristan is the hottest fucking piece of ass in the whole entire fucking world!!!!!! Just like Tyra Banks only white, way shorter, way hotter, and he contains a big penial instrument of love! The End.
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 August 22, 2001 12.22am est

fuck.
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 August 21, 2001 11.57pm est

Okay, since after ten o'clock tomorrow I won't have anything to do (you know, because I am a sad sorry pathetic excuse for a man), expect to see a bunch of stuff "appear" at random spots on the site; I've got tons of goodies.

Oops... okay, the site map is now correct. Geez, you people need to tell me these things.

I wonder how many hours I've put into this dumb site... the count deserves no less than three digits, that much is for sure. Is that good or bad? Or is it really really bad? Hmm, well anyway, I think I need something more... eh... 'developmentally encouraging' to do with my (immense) free time.
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 August 20, 2001 12.52am est

Oh yeah, my car rocks.
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 August 18, 2001 10.24pm est

Well that was fun. At least I'm a stronger man now for this rather ugly scar I wear. I've come full circle, only to try again with some rather vague notions of what lie ahead. Better than nothing, I suppose.

I don't know, I think I was mistaken to eschew completely the protections of my adroit friend... the burns left me a little more bitter and incredulous than I think I should be. I'll walk with him from now on, delicately balanced on the edge of the shield; I hope I have the courage to jump again. God, I'm too long in coming to this.

It still throbs, sometimes, the token of my trials; and it being the lonely blemish on my facade only focuses the feelings. It's all so confusing, and now with the dust settling I see that the only change took place in the world around me- I remain the naked larvae. Nothing happened save the fall of some rather opaque and metaphorical nictating membranes.

The butterflies around me swim and dive through the air, en masse, in pairs, I alone haunt the state of metamorphisis, warmly cocooned, as they had moved on some time ago.

What makes it all the worse is lack of a place to lay the blame. After all, you can't blame circumstance; even if it was the absentee keystone.

Spinning 'round and 'round and 'round, getting dizzier and dizzier and dizzier with nowhere in sight to lean and catch balance. It's a very nausiating, sickening, tiring thing. Scary sometimes... sometimes it feels as though to just collapse. It's taking too long, thrice as long as it should.

Frustration.

So I write until the day weighs too heavily upon my fingers to strike anymore the keys, a point fastly approaching.

here... here... now.
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 August 18, 2001 6.49pm est

Okay, will someone please explain this to me... why is it that when I have to wake up early and I've been asleep for nine hours I have trouble getting awake and out of bed... two days in a row... but when I don't have to wake up until I damn well please I only sleep fitfully for 5 1/2 hours and can't get back to sleep. Anyone? Anyone?

Bueller?

I mean really, what the hell.

Well anyway and in other news: in process of unpacking I've found a lot of stuff I'd like to share with the world... and there's a hefty bit, so if you're bored gimme a few days and I'll make you unbored. Or something like that.

One of the things I'm going to be doing is just a generic Quote page, that will, of course, include the perennial favourite Tristonius Dictum. One of my habits during school was to jot down interesting tidbits that I overheard people say. After reading some of these gems, I think you may understand why I never bother trying to talk to anybody.
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 August 18, 2001 2.16am est - by Tristan

Research Report

Title: Dave's Hottness and it's effect on modern Darwinism.

Hypothesis: Because, holy shit, he was FUCKEN HOT!! SHIT!!!

During the extent of the experiment I observed Dave for many days. Noting his habits, Studying his movements, and thinking of how hot he was when he was nine. The experiment began at 9 at night when I saw dave go to Wendy's. The staple of Dave's diet is taco salad and chicken nuggets. Many meals were consumed during the night. After a long night of trying to mate with various females, and/or males. Dave proceded to hump my leg. This simple yet vigirous exercise enables Dave to.............hell i do not even know. Then another male showed up. Dave communicated to him as a "Tyson" or as some would call him: " A pizimp diggidy dad hoe hatta" This method of speech confused me, but afterz awhile I be frontin the smack wit my homez and hizoez. Dave procceded to hump, fondle,lick, and sanatize him with little napkins.

Conclusion: Dave is hot as hell and I want him bad.
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 August 16, 2001 9.54pm est

Dammit... I always hate this part of the day. Goodnight everyone.
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 August 16, 2001 9.40pm est

Wow... looking at the old scanned stuff and the new ones... my old scanner was a real piece of shit.
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 August 16, 2001 9.30pm est

I got a couple new things scanned and posted. One from just a couple years ago (yeah, 'cause 1993 was just a couple years ago, right?). The other a creation spawned from art class with Mrs. Eyster... whom some of you may remember... ; )
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 August 15, 2001 12.25pm est

I've been helping mom clean out our garage and in doing so I've come across some cool stuff, some of it I can even post on my page; so stay tuned.
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 August 14, 2001 12.53pm est

Test... awesome, it works.
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 August 12, 2001 7.21pm est

I was just thinking. Scary, eh? But really, isn't it odd how the human body is capable of doing just about anything (i.e. run, walk, climb, swim), but it's not really good at any of it? Rather like a CISC processor, it can do everything, but it's not good at anything. So I got to thinking that there must be a reason for this... and I thinking it must have something to do with our intellect. You see, since our body on its own isn't really good for anything, it must just be a tool for some other power, then I thought, our brain of course.

But which came first? Body or mind? My guess is mind, since any creature with our body and any less a brain would surely not be able to survive.

Maybe I'm a dork... or a nerd... but I just think that's just really interesting. The whole "inter-relatedness" of things. Where other animals have bodies that are fine tuned and equipped with brains only to provide basic instruction, we have brains that that are fine tuned and powerful, to provide instructions to a versatile, albeit ineffectual body.

Human brain : shark's body ::
shark's brain : human body


Something like that anyway. The interesting part though, is that I don't think you could have both. I mean having a body that is powerful and fine tuned severely limits what it can do... sharks are a perfect example. Swift, powerful predators, the kings and queens their domain. What happens though if you take one and put it in shallow water? Or even on land? Or in a place where there is only seaweed? It's incredible physical prowess is rendered useless. Humans, on the other hand, could survive most of those places. Granted, they wouldn't probably do very well, but they would survive. And that's a common thread throughout human evolution. If you read up on proto-humans you see that although they were everywhere, making a living in any climate, none of them did it very well, they didn't live long, and survived in extremely poor living conditions.

Is it getting more interesting?

Oh I think so, I'm getting excited as I type. Did anyone notice something about the examples above? About how the creature with the specialized body and diminutive brain is limited in where it can exist, while the creature with the diminutive body and specialized brain can exist almost anywhere? Do you see how this is just a trick of evolution? Evolution, as a habit, fills holes. Where something isn't, evolution puts something. So what do you have when you have a bunch of creatures that all exist in their own little niches? Why, you have good ol' Evolution scratching his mottled head and saying, "Wait a minute... I've got all these creatures in their specialized evirons, but nothing that can traverse the paths between! Hmm... let's just see what I can do about that..."

(here Evolution mixes half a cup of powdered sugar, one quarter teaspoon salt, one knifetip turkish hash, half pound butter, half a pound flour, a dash of happy, just a sprinkling of sweet love...

AND NO EGGS.

And violá! The human race!)

But here's those crazy trade-offs again. Ever wonder why there isn't any other animal that even comes close to rivaling humans in intellect? It's because you can't have your cake and eat it too... you can have many varied specialized animals, or one universal animal; but not many universal animals or one specialized animal. You see, the world is one unit composed of many parts... the specialized animals each dominate a part, while the universal animal dominates the whole.

Ahh well... I thought it was a cool thought anyway. Something to chew on.
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 August 12, 2001 11.25pm est

I just thought of one of those little "life stories" I could share... many moons ago, when I was a young pup, my mom pointed me toward a basket of wet clothes and told me to put them in the dryer. So I says okay, picks them up and heads out to the garage and puts them in the dryer.

About 45 minutes pass.

Mum goes out to get the clothes from the dryer... but comes back inside with only a shocked and incredulous look on her face. "The clothes are still wet", she says, "I thought I told you to put them in the dryer?". "You did", I said. She stares at me for a bit... "you didn't tell me to turn the dryer on..." I said. To this she just kinda laughed. Rest assured I didn't hear the end of that one for a long time.

Sucks to be me though, that's a really bad habit of mine. There are times when it just does not occur to me to read into things and/or take initiative on them; and that little story is the perfect example. Why didn't I turn on the dryer? Well all she said was put the clothes in the dryer, she never said anything about turning it on- besides, it's not my business what she wants them there for, I did what she said, that's what matters. It never even enters my mind that sometimes there is more going on than what is stated. I've gotta work on that.
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 August 11, 2001 9.55pm est - by Tyson

The Man With The Golden Penis

True Story....

Hello my name is Tyson, and all my life i have heard stories about the man with the "Golden Penis". I always thought they were a myth, but on the Night of October 15, 1999 i found out the truth, these stories were not a myth, but rather facts about a Man with a penis that was 9 feet long and made of solid gold. His Name is John Tonne, and he lives in Angola, Indiana. Any how on this night John and I were on a date, we went to the movies in Coldwater, Michigan and then to The Lions Den, a porno store just north of the Coldwater exit. We bought a whip and some chains just for "Fun" then we drove home, had a cup of egg drop soup, and starting kissing. Things were starting to heat up when i realized this big bulge in John's pants. It was very large, and i unzipped his zipper to go down on him, but when i did i saw it for the first time. Man was it nice a 9 foot long Golden penis. He made love to me all night, and i must say it was the best sex i have ever had. Any ways to make a long story short it is true, There is a man in Angola, Indiana with a "Golden Penis" and he is a love making machine. If you ever want to give him a call His name is John Tonne, but beware once you get a piece you will want more.
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 August 11, 2001 7.55am est

Breathe easy, you've got Viagra®.
-
You see, now is when I have problems. I feel like writing something but I can't think of what. I was trying to think of some amusing anecdote from my past to relay unto you masses, but really, I can't think of anything I feel like sharing. Yeah, that's right, none of you get to see my deep, dark, past. Na na nah na na.

Ya know, it's weird how often times, the best place to hide something is where it is most readily accessible. It's a smart scheme really, you see, to function at the level we do as humans, we simply have to take certain things for granted... the ground is solid, the sky won't fall, kittens are cute, cottage cheese is evil. For all anybody is concerned, these things are each unchangeable constants in the universe. If we spent all of our time questioning these things and verifying them we'd never get anything done, so we just accept them. It's a necessary human trait, and allows for great advancement, but also can very easily blind you to certain things, important things; because when you take something for granted, you no longer view it as a variable, but a constant, and you therefore lose the ability to see that it can change.

And it goes without saying that that can be bad.

Or good... at any rate, that's why the best way to hide something can often be to hide it obviously. You just have to find things that people take for granted, like... that there's nothing under that leaf in the plant pot, or what he's drinking from that pop can is really pop, or that no one would ever hide anything in the garbage, or if he had anything to say he would say it, or best of all, that people actually listen to what is said or take it upon themselves to think it. Having worked in the "service industry" far too long, I can tell you most assuredly that most people barely listen to half of what you say, and remember even less of it. It's sad, really. So much could be avoided, so many problems might never happen if people just stopped running their mouthes long enough to jog their minds a little.

Could just be me too, I think of words as precious and powerful things, and in speaking I generally use them sparingly... so I'm told anyway. As the old saying goes, "A wise man thinks all he says, a fool says all he thinks". A wonderful axiom to live by. Unless of course you're writing something for your sorry little webpage because you're bored out of your mind; in such a case, restraint has no place. It is a purging ground after all, a place to empty the accretions of the day. The term "day" used here figuratively. It just seems to me that language being the imperfect medium of communication it is, requires you to think more than you say, since you must think of what you want to convey, and then choose the best words to use and then the best way to structure them to convey that thought. I really don't understand how some people speak as much as they do... it can only mean that they have very little they actually want to get across.

Can anyone say: "Kimmy"?

Of course, it's just as possible to think too much and say too little, of which I will readily admit guilt; but I am trying. Laconism has its pluses, and it has it's minuses; just as garrulity, just as anything. That's an important fact that I don't think many people realize... nothing is perfect, there are pluses and minuses to everything. One of the distinctive traits of genious is the ability to see a "whole picture", to not be consumed by something, but to instead remain separate. Want a better computer? Wonderful, but the higher you go on the PC food chain the more restrictions you have to take into account, incompatabilities that you have to beware of; the speed comes at the price of stricter standards. You want more money? Great, but with greater wealth comes greater responsibility, and a need for greater discipline. Want more friends? Just remember the quality versus quantity aspect of things... alot of good friends, or a few great ones... and here is an example of a bad place to take things for granted. Count them out, out loud that is, you'd probably have more than you think, and some of them better friends than you may realize...
-
Oh, hold me back.
-
But what the hell do I know. Perhaps what I'm getting at is this important rule: Wear sunscreen. You don't want skin cancer after all. You know, it occurs to me how interconnected the universe is. I think those hippies were on to something... well yeah, they were on alot, but point being is that they were on to an empowering mode of thought. A mode of thought that was mostly killed by European culture. Answer me this, what's the difference between a man and a worm? Can't be much if a man can eat worms and reproduce another man... or if the worms can eat a man and reproduce many worms. You see, we're all, everything, made of the the same stuff, the same stardust (R.I.P. Carl Sagan); if you close your eyes and imagine the universe as a swirling pool of light and creation, and you put ripples in the pool and the crests of those ripples weave into each other, dancing around, the light and colours mingling and creating ever more distinctive creations, I think you have a more representive view of the universe than that of a black empty box with dirt and suns floating around inside. I mean, look there, that swirl? The crest of a majestic mountain... that wave? A mother with her child on her lap... and now the wave and swirl converge, intertwining, becoming one, becoming a tsunami... and now you have a lazy summer day, with you lying on the hammock at dusk, bloodhound sleeping beneath, watching the storm clouds in the distance as they rumble and shake the far away lands and the setting sun bleeds away into their frightfullness.

It's a cycle, a circle. Shifting winds swirling dunes of sand... ever changing, ever the same. How is it that a person can be so blinded by themselves? I've always thought that human developement was an intensely interesting field. We're such a pliable creature, yet we all adhere to the same basic tenets. Figure those tenets out, and you will be a very respected person. A psychologist once said, "The brain trying to understand the mind is truely the most difficult undertaking mankind can initiate." Well, it was something like that... one quote I do remember is this, "If our minds were so simple that we could understand them, we would be so simple that we could not". I think that pretty much sums it up. Really though, where other creatures are versatile in the body, we are versatile in the mind; capable of so much, and at the same time so little. Forget the things you've heard about "reasoning" and "logic" separating man from animal, it's hogwash. Our characteristic trait, our claim to fame, is our ability to realize what we are and take control of ourselves. It's kind of a hard concept to come to grasp with, but once you have it, it seems quite natural. You interact with the world only in such ways as is interperated by your brain. You're more than likely staring at a computer screen right now... do you see it? Look at it, think you can see the whole thing? Do you think what you're seeing is actually the monitor? Well it isn't. It's just a reflection, and a very small one, of an entity existant in the space before you. This "thing" that we call a monitor reflects and gives off electromagnetic waves, lots of them... and our eyes recieve and translate hardly a fraction of them. The impulses then translated by the eyes are sent to the brain, where, within the mind they are constructed as a 3D object. I italicized that phrase because I wanted to make a point. Of everything you see, none of it is really exists. What you see is just a very small, reconstructed shadow projected only on the synapses of your own brain.

Ever seen that painting of a pipe with the words underneath that say, "This is not a pipe"? It's something like that that I'm getting at (you know, because it's not a pipe, it's a painting of one).

Reality, in its true form, is far too overpowering a thing to be taken in its entirety. But that, I suspect, is only because we are a part of it. We can no more see the true reality of things than a prisoner can see the outside of a prison. Hm, that doesn't exactly put things in a positive light... how's this: the human race, with all it's cognitive abilities be the eyes of the universe; and as such, we will never see her face.

That's a little better.

Back to what I was saying though, given that we have the ability to come to this conclusion, we can recognize that our feelings and sensations are simply interpratations and we can control our responses to them. Take a knife, press it against you skin. Does it hurt? No? Then go sharpen it you lousy sklate... now does it hurt? There you go, but what is really happening? I'll tell you, your brain is sensing that there is a force that is potentially damaging your skin, so it tries to get you to stop by inflicting pain in you. Get it? The knife on your skin doesn't hurt, it's your brain that makes it hurt. You know that pressing a knife against your skin won't do any damage, but it still hurts... why? Because your brain doesn't know, it just has a blanket response. What I'm getting at is this, just like with cars, automatic is nice, it makes things easy, but manual is better in that you have more control, get it? If you know how to recognize dangers consciously, and know how most appropriately to react to them, then you can override your own brain, you can tell it that this doesn't damage anything... and the pain goes away.

You can, of course, use this same reasoning to realize and control joy... but that kinda ruines it. The joy, that is.

Make sense? It works too, I know, I've been training myself to make such judgements... it's very liberating. If you pay attention to what you feel, if you are "in tune" with your body, you can take control of it and not rely on primal instincts, which, lets face it, aren't always right. Case and point: scabs. You know you shouldn't itch them, you know you shouldn't pick at them... but come on! It feels soooo good... well anyway...

There is to this, like anything, like I said, a down side. Once you start to come to this, it's really, really hard to see things the way other people see them; kinda like the teachers favourite saying, "The mind, once stretched, never returns to its original diminsions". Which makes sense, because you have two ways of looking at things, whereas everyone else has only one. I mean you see one, contiguous universe, you see just "stuff" mixing, coagulating, dispersing, interacting; you see that nothing is real, everything is just interpretation. While they see things set in stone. They see pain and joy, love and hate as these ethereal qualities set into the fabric of what is. While all you see is interpretations of the brain and natural selection.

It can be rather depressing really, because at this stage one could think "Great, I've figured out the universe, now what?". And now we run into The Great Human Paradox. Perfection in imperfection. Because the world is not perfectly suited to our needs we have evolved with a single purpose in mind... to make life better. Our purpose is to accomplish. Which is great, it gets things done... however... what happens when there's nothing left to accomplish? We grow disenchanted, disillusioned. Happiness is found in the journey, not the destination, so to speak.

I prefer only to adopt this mindset when great self control is needed... it can be rather destructive if you use it too long. It's rather like a purgatory, or safety in numbness. Yes, that's it. Nothing can hurt you if you can't feel pain. Nice, eh? What can be bad about that? I'll tell you, if you can't feel bad, you can't feel good; which, in my experience, is worse than just about anything.

Some people, I think, take for granted contentment; having known it so long.

But anyway, what it really comes down to is a choice of distractions. What's the "it", you ask? Oh you know, just... everything. Some ride bikes, some play guitar, some "test phone lines" more than is healthy, and the cool people just hang out and watch movies... and I've taken to writing and philosophizing- it's easy, and it's peaceful, it's fun and enlightening, it enriches your mind and expands your personality, it makes you a more dynamic individual, it makes you aware. Even without the rigors of scientific ritual, there is much knowledge to be gained this way. So what's the downside to this one? It's a solitary exercise, it trains you to converse with yourself instead of with others, it makes you a dull individual...

Any wonder now why I am able to go on and on in these posts and still have difficulty maintaining conversation? Yeah, and it can cause problems, can stifle growth, can kill opportunity. It does and has in some instances caused me grief, and I can forgive myself most all of them save for one.

But that's enough... enough, enough, enough.
-
Speaking of Viagra®, the AMA has an important message that I think everyone should read.
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 August 10, 4.27pm est - by Tyson

The Night Rapist

True Story...

One night me and my Playboy Pahtna Tristan were walking home from this hot hizoe's house. When we were walking this thing creeped out of the bushes and starting humping Tristan. All i heard was tristan yelling more more more and then he got up and ran to me. I didnt know exactly what had happened, but T diddy(Tristan) told me that he had just been raped. He said that it was the best sex he had ever had. We got to thinking about it that night and we realized that one of our friends was a horny lil pimp dizitty dog named Dave. Tristan said that his sex kind of reminded him of the rapist. So a few days went on and more and more rapes had occured. We knew it could not be our friend because he was away at school in Bowling Green. Seven days had past and several rapes had occured every night. And none of the victims complained they all said the sex was grizeate. So the weekend comes and Tristan and i are walking home from Jeff's, another pimp daddy mofo, we were just watching t.v. and fucking dan over there so we were a little worn out, then out of the bushes came the "Night Rapist" he got me this time and god he was good. He made me suck his dick and when he did that i knew immediatly who it was. I never forget a dick exspecially one so large and sexy. Then when the Rapist bent me over i said "Fuck me harder dave" and he said "Oh tyson" so the night rapist was discovered. It had been dave all along. Man i knew it and Tristan was the first to know it. T diddy, Jeff, Dan, and I all got together and decided we must fuck dave more so he wont get into trouble with the PO PO's. So now our horny Lil Nigga Friend is satisfied so we think, but if you are ever walking at night beware of a "Night Rapist" who will give you a good fuck.
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 August 10, 2001 12.44pm est - by Tristan

Dear Jeff, after reading your legend of the lake james raccon, I must tell you a tale that happened to me many years ago while out on the Lake of James

I am a 97 year old man that does not scare easily. Some would even consider me brave. But what I saw on the night of April 12th 1934 would make a brave man wheep, and a braver man kinda cry. You know like the kinda cry when your eye gets a little irritated like something is in it...ANYWAY I warn you that this story is true, and not for the weak of stomach.

Back in '34 life was good. I had recently gotten engaged to a wonderful person named Tyson Kerr. He was so damn hot and i wanted him so bad. For a romantic date I thought I would take him to the Lizake. Lake JAmes was so beautiful and we decided to have some fun and swim. About 18 minutes into our swim I noticed a strange disturbance on the bottom of the lake. Lake James is famous for it's Sandy bottom, so I thought it strizity strange (peculiar) to see that certain occourance. After further investigation I had decided that the disturbance was no more that space beans from the planet Zorkthon. BUT I WAS WRONG. DEADLY MORBIDLY, HORRIDLY, ADAM SANDLERY WRONG. In reality the disturbance was the Lake James Beaver. The beaver went insane because he did not know how to act like a beaver. He just assumed he should act like squirrels. No one knows what brought him to such insanity. The Lake James beaver did not kill my hottie bo bottie wife and I. But I know we were the lucky ones, and somewhere down there......the Lake James Beaver awaits its next victims.
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 August 08, 2001 6.15pm est

I knew this might be relevant to some visitors, so tonight I impart to you the legend of the Lake James Racoon.

As the story goes, seven years ago a racooon, worn with age and bitter after years of human enroachment on the sacred lands of his birth, swore vengence on the people, vowing to haunt their lives as long as they shall live there. Well, as it happens, upon making this announcement, the racoon stumbled upon the filming grounds of a major blockbuster movie... Bearassic Park... and unbeknownst to the movie crew, a terrible accident befell the old 'coon.

Yes, that's right, he saw the movie.

The sight so horrified him that he instantly suffered several major cardiac arrests and his brain exploded, propelling him into the deepest depths of nearby Lake James.

Coincidentally, the shock waves from the blast were of just the correct frequency to liquify canine cerebral material... and thus we have Ginger.

Anyway, the body of the 'coon lives on, carrying out the death wish of it's once inhabitant soul. It scurries along the lake bottom, waving about it's tendriled and decayed flesh at peoples feet to annoy them. Oh sure, it feels like seaweed, but I gaurantee you, it's the Lake James Racoon.

True story.
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 August 04, 2001 10.10am est

Wow... quote of the century right here:

"I don't know how long I'm going to stay in this job," said Mr. Binatang, peeling off his overalls. "As you can expect it's really affecting my sex life. I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."

And believe it or not, that does make perfect sense. Click here if you're feeling lucky.
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 August 02, 2001 2.31pm est

A weight has been lifted... I feel so very much better.
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 August 01, 2001 1.33am est

I have trouble sleeping sometimes... things that may or may not, have or have not, come to pass circle tirelessly in my awareness.

There's some new stuff, have fun.
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 July 30, 2001 9.44pm est - by Dave

Uhh, where is everyone?? Well, I'd like to start of with the fact that Tristan in a dress when he was 4 or whatever is very very very scary. Not to mention very funny as well. But once again, my car is in the shop. Getting my bumper repainted due to some minor mishap when I had a bad hangover. Not my fault, no really, not my fault. Speaking of not my fault, where is my little buddy Tristan? I miss that little rat scrotum. Life is gay, keep that in mind. But one day, my miniature sized penis will rise again and spit unferitlized sperm on everyone and then the sperms will fertilize all humans and then they will all give birth to little wittle dwagons. ALL HUMANS!! That includes men, women, and children. Gosh, that would suck. I mean giving birth and all. Yeah and I give a figer to dat and leave the women into giving birth. I don't know what I'd do if I saw a baby crawling out of one of my holes. Damn. That would be freaky. And that call that the miracle of child birth?? Pretty damn sick to me. Hahaha, ok. But I'm a guy so I can't have kids but now, I don't know if I could watch my wife have my kid. That's sick man. Hahaha, just kidding. I'll be there video taping the whole damn thing. Every minute of it. And you know how I am when I'm the narrator. HEHE.... "Oh my god, is that my son!?!?! Whoa...I think I got a cockshot!!!" Well shit, I think I know what will come out of my wife first, my son's cock, that's what. That thing will just be sticking out of her by the time she has to gives birth. Better fucking believe I'll have the fucking camera there when that shit happens. The first baby born with a 10inch. dick. Wow. Anyway, where is everyone? School is about to start too. Damn, summer has gone by so fast. Actually the past two years have gone by like it never happened. Now I'm going to be a sophmore in college. God Damn!! And where are all the hotty bo botties? If you are a hottie bo bottie, please feel free to contact the Wild Dragon himself. My cell number is 1-419-494-3932 and my home phone is 1-419-352-3511. Maybe you could show the Wild Dragon a good time or something. *wink* *wink* HA HA, for all you people who have to start school the 20th of Aug. sucky sucky. And for all the cool slackers who don't start school till the 27th, sucky sucky. I mean, come on, whether it's 7 days or 2 days apart, school is going to start for all of us anyhow. So, damn. I'd like to give a shot out to my homey Dan, Clint, Jeff, John, Tristan, and Tyson. Without out them, I couldn't have done it. Don't ask me what either cuz i dunno. I just wanted to give a shot out to them. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off for now. Hotties, you know my numbers. Homies, we'll hang later. And for the rest of you sluts, HAPPY SLUTTINGS!! Wild Dragon, over and out!
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 July 24, 2001 10.44am est

Just because I know how much everyone likes to be kept up to date on these sorts of things, my website is now approx. 3.2MB in size.

Speaking of which, does anyone else think "abbr." is funny?
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 July 24, 2001 10.17am est

Weird. I just read a story about a fault in certain AMD chips that renders jpg's and mpeg's incorrectly and about ten minutes later I (out of boredom) looked up the top referrers to my website only to find that the one page refering to my site was a search on google.com for "amd athlon jpeg fault".

How weird is that?

I've finally given in, too. Yup, I now mostly use Internet Explorer. As much as I don't really want to... it's just a better browser than anything else.

Oh how it hurts to say that.
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 July 23, 2001 2.00pm est

It's official. Hell has indeed frozen over. Why, you ask? Because I will soon be the owner of a vehicle. Why's that special? Because this one works, that's why.

Breathe... remember to breathe people...

Yep, belive it or not, I'm (finally) gonna have a car. None too soon, either, riding my bike to work during the winter would have sucked.

Well anyway, I just thought the world would like to know.
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 July 23, 2001 10.53am est

"Forget about the tip, we'll get Hell to pay, oh have a drink on me!"

Everyone join me in saying these kids need a damn hobby to keep them busy.
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 July 21, 2001 8.54am est

umm... i am bored
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July 20, 2001 10.49am est

...lend me the rules, someone? It's like trying to start a car with neither fuel or key. Utterly frustrating.
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July 18, 2001 10.53pm est

An all new medium... sound. Check the Dictum.
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July 18, 2001 4.09pm est

This just in from The Onion:

Street-Smart Teen Dies In Library CHICAGO-- Street-smart teen Larry Witherspoon was found dead Monday at the Michigan Avenue branch of the Chicago Public Library, his urban know-how useless to him in the unfamiliar environment. "Unfortunately, the skills Larry had developed on the mean streets of Chicago's South Side did him no good in a place like this," librarian Mary Ross said. "Hypothetically, he could have located a book on library survival skills, had he known what the Dewey Decimal system was and how to use it."
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July 18, 2001 2.58pm est

Funny part is, I last night had a dream that my bike tires were really bent.
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July 18, 2001 2.04pm est

What is it about me and new pants? Here I am, minding my own business, riding to work in brand new pants when I come upon a crosswalk. I push the button. The sign says "walk". I start to ride across. I look to my left. I see a small pick up truck heading straight for me.

"Wonderful", I say calmly to myself.

The truck hits me in the leg and kicks the bike out from underneath me. I'm left bruised and sore, my bike has wheels that roll as snakes slither; but worst of all, there's a scuff on my brand new pants.

You know what happened last time I wore new pants to work? A pen exploded and left them stained for life.

I'm a marked man I tell ya. Cursed for life. I was even late for work.
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July 18, 2001 7.31am est

"I cry to the alleyway!
Confess all to the rain
But I lie, lie straight to the mirror,
the one I've broken to match my     face..."

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July 18, 2001 6.22am est

Funny, now that I am no longer a teenager I realize I never really was. I've got something in the works too, a stray from my usual... I'll post it soon enough.
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July 14, 2001 7.39pm est

Wow, he's hit a new low, I was in the process of entering a new Tristan quote when he vomited forth another gem.

After a few moments when I regained the ability to reason, I typed it in. It's merit lies not so much in its funny-bone value, but in its ability to be make so little sense... it's almost frightening. Check it, but be forwarned.
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July 13, 2001 6.41pm est

I've been playing alot recently with the security settings in Win2k, I had no idea how cool this operating system was.
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July 13, 2001 6.29pm est

Spruced up the Dictum a bit.
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July 12, 2001 10.04pm est

What is it about sleep that my body so protests? I have so much trouble attaining it, and then upon the morn I slip out from it as if it never was...

cruel fate.
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July 11, 2001 2.42pm est

I fixed my webcam, yea me.
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July 09, 2001 4.23pm est

...

where is everybody?
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July 09, 2001 7.25am est

Good morning, everyone.

My custom error pages seem to work again, so I re-enabled them; aren't you all thrilled?
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July 08, 2001 10.48am est

Anybody else happen to see the sunset last night? It was just awesome; and I mean that in the most literal sense of the word. The humidity and clouds combined for a spectacular visage, it was a deep redish-pink oblong glow that lit the world about and beneath in surreal beauty.

It was particularly impressive on the lake, I was in a boat at the time, and I'll say that the reflection from the waters added significantly to the experience. It was wonderful.
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July 08, 2001 8.54am est

I fixed a few things... nothing major.
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July 07, 2001 12.00pm est

The most amazing thing happened...

CLINT-DOG IS BACK!!

That's right, the Navy super-stud has returned for a brief period to grace us with his presence. It's funny really... I talked to him this morning and he said this town has really turned into a shithole... haha, poor Clint, he forgot the town has always been like this.

I did have some other life altering profundity to expel unto you masses... but I dun forgotted it.
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July 07, 2001 9.17am est

Of late I've stumbled upon a profound truth... nothing you, I, or anyone does means anything. Our actions are simply a conduit to allow expression of the true force of change; The How. In other words, it's not what you do that means anything, it's how you do it.

This really is a fascinating point of philosophy, and I may expound upon it later in one of those lovely rambles I seem so adept at; for now, however, I'm taking leave of the glowing terminal for a short jaunt to the cemetary.

ta.
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July 06, 2001 7.32am est

Ahhh... it's been a long time since I've had a good sunburn.

Upon recollection, I don't know how accurate my uphill/downhill conclusion was yesterday. Flatmate Dan summoned a topographical map and noted no distinct difference in elevation between Angola and Auburn. As I thought of it further, I did remember a point on the way down where we seemed to be coasting up a slight incline... at the time I'd attributed it to glitch in perception... but with winds as strong as they were I think I saw right.

So okay, maybe I wasn't quite right about the elevation... but the rest, I swear on the soul of my father Domingo Montoya, is true.
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July 05, 2001 4.19pm est

I've been on long bike rides before, but this one definately takes all the cake... and eats it too. My soulmate Tristan and I rode to Auburn and back this afternoon. Total round trip time: 3hrs. 20mins. total round trip distance: ~55 miles.

It was awesome.

It was great on the way there, downhill and the wind at our backs... I estimate we hit about 35mph, as it only took us an hour, and there were a couple towns we had to slow down through.

Oh, and we went straight there... no stops.

Upon arriving in the sainted town of Auburn, we rode around until we found a gas station, took a twenty minute break, sucked down some cola, munched on some delicious nutrition bars and were back on our way.

The way back sucked. Really really sucked.

I mentioned that it was downhill with a tailwind on the way there, right? Well that can only mean that it's uphill with a headwind on the way back. It was the most adverse riding I've ever done. That wind turned out to be going about 20mph... which isn't fun to begin with, but we were also going uphill. Yeah. There was a point where we just come down from a big hill and had a pretty good speed so we stopped pedaling... within about 15 seconds we were almost at a standstill because of the wind. A few miles past Waterloo we stopped... and then again about ten miles from Angola (we knew we were getting close by the proliferation of mobile homes, beater cars, and Dale Earnhardt stickers). All in all, one hell of a way to spend a day off.

Oh yeah... this tale can not be told without at least mentioned Tristan's heroic zero-calorie preparation for the trek.

We all know and love Tristan, right? We know the kind of health nut he is, correct? Well his idea of preparation for this was to ride around yesterday, stay awake until 2am... and then not eat breakfast. You should have seen him when we got back, he was about ready to die (a few of you, I think, would have paid to see that), I mean, it hurt to look at him- he had trouble keeping his balance, and complained that he might soon pass out.

He also said he needed food.

So we decide to hit up our good pal John at the bakery to save Tristan's life... and John, being the loving, caring friend that he is, adamantly refused any goods to be given Tristan. What a guy. Right about then I bet Tristan was regretting all those death threats...

Of course Tristan never let a little thing like "John's approval" stop him from taking something at the bakery, and as such, proceeded to nurture himself back to some semblance of health and normality.

I think he can walk straight now... next stop, Fort Wayne.
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July 04, 2001 8.17am est

"Here I am, expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded..."
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July 03, 2001 4.21pm est

Strikes me as a young buck out to prove himself to the world... not knowing that the world is full of young bucks who need only prove themselves to themselves.
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July 02, 2001 12.02am est

My god. I just watched the best movie I have seen in a long, long time...
The Shawshank Redmeption is truly,
a masterpiece.
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July 01, 2001 1.10am est

damn it,

just...

damn it.

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June 30, 2001 2.37am est

It's really wearing on me lately. Like a rock you'd get from a lake... at one point you know it was rough and jagged, but now it's smoothed over; worn down. I don't know, I'm feeling myself too worn to elocute properly what I intend. I'm also amazed at how far off my assumptions can be... never underestimate differences in perception.

And it's "witty", not "whitty".
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June 29, 2001 3.27pm est

Alright, I want everybody to pretend like they are me when I was 17 and think of what kind of password I would use... and you should all send them to me here.
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June 28, 2001 11.25am est

Oh yes, I beat Minesweeper in 330 on expert. You all may bow before the master.

My bike is fixed too, I am again mobile. Praise God(s).
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June 27, 2001 5.39pm est

Find the palindrome, win a cookie.

A big one... and soft too.

Check this out, I found this whilst I was cleaning out my house... the funniest part is that it is all, absolutely, 112% true.
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June 27, 2001 6.16pm est

"Wilson, ready the switch!"

   "Yessir!"

"Throw it, throw it now Wilson!"

   "Yessir!"

"Stand back, and behold! We commence Project: G.J.A.G.!!"
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June 27, 2001 4.06pm est

Our house is clean... it's the most amazing thing in the world. It actually looks half-way decent now; it is completely transformed. Hell I hardly even recognize it myself.

It's a beautiful thing.
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June 20, 2001 11.28pm est

wow... just, wow...
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June 20, 2001 5.54pm est

You know what happens when I'm bored? I memorize stuff like this.

Actually that's one of my many goals in life I have now accomplished. It took awhile, but I finally got it. I'm so proud of myself right now, I could just burst...

Uh-oh, better not get too proud, this guy might come and have some words with me... not that he and Poe would have gotten along too great anyway.
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June 20, 2001 4.38pm est

Revamped the a&e section a bit, admittedly I got a little overzealous upon my discovery of inline frames so I've reversed my madness and made the place a little easier to navigate in the process.

Anybody remember awhile ago when I said this web site was done? Yeah, I didn't believe me either.
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June 19, 2001 1.25pm est

Time for Unca Jeff's advice corner, kiddies. When making a fruit salad, watermelon is good, banana's are good, lettuce is good... oranges NOT GOOD. I was munching happily away at my culinary creation when all the sudden the mellow fruitiness I was so much enjoying was rudely interrupted by the acidic tang of an orange... BLEH.

So next time, no oranges. Oh yeah, it's really good to chill it too.

I've lately been feeling like writing something, I've got all these cool ideas but nothing to write about, so soon as I figure out something, I'll post it.
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June 17, 2001 5.53pm est - by Tristan

The origin of suffering is egoistic craving and attachment.
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June 16, 2001 5.07pm est - by Dave

FOr all you lamers out there, we won't mention any names though. Tristan!! Paul!! Shane!! Tyler!! And the other guy!! You guys are the wussies of wusses. I should be quaking right now but noooooo some people decided to be wussies and not try to grow some hair on thier nuts. All making excuses and shit!! But that's alright cuz they are my non friends now. Yes, including you Tristo. Unless you can prove yourself at the next LAN party and bring your computer. It's not that hard, really. For all you other people, you might get a little respect from my nuts if you decide to come next time. But right now, you all suck my ass. You are all girls. Miss Tristan, Miss Paul, Miss Shane, Miss Tyler, you are all girls cuz you have no testicles!! SHIT!!! I should just take one of my pubes and shove it up all your asses cuz that would hurt really really bad. My god. Bunch of slacked jawed faggots like jeff mentioned. I'm so ashamed to even be friends with these girls. Why? I have no clue. And John, he was the man. He didn't even have intentions to bring over a computer but he was all cool about it and decided to steal his computer from his mom's clutches and use it for quaking. well, some quaking. But from the other guys, all I see is a bunch of non sweating, non-pubic hair growing, pissing while sitting down, dress wearing, 40 minutes in the shower, girly girls. SHIT!!! I'm so disappointed. Hopefully you guys can make up in the next LAN party which is next FRIDAY!! That's right, next friday. Be there or be the girls that you already are!!
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June 16, 2001 1.44am est

Wow... just wow... if only you people where here for these Tristan quotes. Just, wow, I was literally on the floor for about five minutes because of this.
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June 15, 2001 10.06pm est

Listen up everyone, all you lamers, all you wannabe's... all week we plan for this LAN party and you know what happens at the last minute? Five people, yes that's right, five people back out because they all have have collectivey the nuts of a flea and the spines of a jellyfish. Pussies, all of them.

"Oh, I can't come because I have to work in the morning and play golf on sunday..."

"Oh, I didn't bring my computer because I was out riding my bike and I am a little girl"

"Oh I just don't feel like it."


BITCHES. PUSSIES. The whole lot of you. Bunch of slack jawed faggots around here. Christ. What an eye opener THAT was. Guess who's not gonna be in MY last will and testament... yes you know who you are. Pansy. We all know who the MEN are now, who the guys with BALLS are. And John, bless the man, his computer won't run the game well, and has to be back early, but out of the kindness of his heart... the pure unselfish compassion the man feels for the pain of his fellows, he sacrificies his time (and his scrumptious bread) to ease the suffering of the carnage inflicted by the lame quintet. Witnessing Tonne's heroic and martyrist act, Tristan The Lowly was inspired to an act of good will; perhaps, perhaps there lay in the road of days to come some salvation for his worm ridden heart... as for the others, they will all burn forever in the fetid pits of deepest hell.

And I from my mountaintop rightiousness will look upon their tortured souls and laugh for all time, taking pleasure anew in each of their wretched screams.
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June 15, 2001 11.24am est

It has been done that cannot now be undone. I have posted The Blob of Blood, my second grade masterpiece, in the stories section. You stand forwarned, however. The awesome power heralded within the visage of this story has the ability to unmake a man... prepare yourself.

And prepare yourself for a bit of a wait. The file size is rather large, but the integrity of the story had to be maintained... so it was a necessary evil.
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June 14, 2001 11.04am est

That second grade literary master work I was talking about awhile ago has been scanned in and sometime tomorrow will be posted... I changed the title to the page to commemorate this occasion; it is oddly appropriate.

But soon enough I must leave for work, I thought to share this bit of information with everyone before I left though.
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June 13, 2001 9.38am est

Tristan and Tyson have new pics up. They are, for lack of better description, awe inspiring.
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June 13, 2001 9.24am est - by Dave

Man o man. Life is surely a bore. Does anyone have anything for me to do before I travel back to school and learn?? Well, I guess I'm left with nothing then. Only to ride my bike and glide through the streets like a bird in mid-air. Uhh yeah, ok. Hello?!?! Anyone out there??! Hellooooooooooooooo.....ok. Well, no one is alive so I guess I'll post again another time. Dragon out.
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June 12, 2001 11.34pm est

Oh my god. I found ice cream in my freezer. My throat says thank you to whomever the ice cream belongs.
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June 12, 2001 11.19pm est

I didn't mean to mislead anyone, I mean about the scanner. Granted, it scans, but it doesn't scan right. Haha, I hope you guys didn't think it actually worked right. ; )

Anyway, I don't know, it's late and I'm bored... oh goody, my microwave dinner is done. num num.
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June 12, 2001 9.31pm est

Holy guacamole... this time my scanner is operational. Could this be? Pray for me, y'all.
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June 12, 2001 8.52pm est

I am so sick of just piddly little bullshit problems. I can't fucking turn around without something breaking or not working right, and our flatmate lives like a fucking filthy animal. Everything in the kitchen is covered in some kind of sticky slime and he pours food straight down the drain not to mention floods the damn toilet.

Yeah, and I'm sick too, how great is that. I lost my voice a couple times during work and had to leave early. I'm not even going in tomorrow. Hell, just sitting up makes me light headed... of course, so does laying down, so what am I bitching about. Fuck. And it feels like there's a rusty steel wool brush spinning at 20,000rpm in my throat everytime I talk... don't even ask about what it feels like to cough. Which happens about every five seconds. Then there's that ocean in my lungs that threatens to suffocate me everytime I take a breath.

I'm in a bad mood, I need some cheering up. I would sleep but I can't. Last night I laid in bed for three hours before giving up and coming downstairs to screw around on the computer. Of course all the exciting stuff happened when I was trying to sleep so that sucked.

I probably shouldn't have gone swimming yesterday. At least not for the whole afternoon. Timmad. I knew that was stupid but I did it anyway. Oh well. At least I've lost some of the computer inflicted pasty whiteness. Now I can admire my slightly brown skin whilst I cough up major internal organs. Sweet.

Dammit, every damn kitchen utensil is covered in slime, what the fuck. Christ I hate people that don't clean up after themselves. I don't even want to know what the guys room is like. For some strange reason he locks it, shit, he couldn't pay me to go in there.

Anyway, I'm going to go try and brighten my sour fucking mood. Bye.
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June 11, 2001 11.04am est

"I'm tired Joe."

"Take a break Mick, rest... it's over now, you can rest."

Mick opened his eyes to the ground and his face became a tired smile.

"That's not what I mean Joe."

Joe's hands found each other behind his back and he dropped his head to capture the reality of the situation around him.

"I know Mick... I know."

In an instant, several moments of eternal silence and unease passed and Joe raised his head with captured reality in tow... this room, this place. A peace hard won and now so soon lost. He'd watched this man in front of him suffer such great trials, and he'd watched with each the fire that fueled the man's perserverence dwindle just a little more. Until now. The struggles were over, gone; and with them gone the man's last glowing ember.

It was such a painful thing to see. Everytime he looked into Mick's eyes he could make out only the back of the man's soul as it drifted farther and farther away. Joe closed his eyes to the world and imagined it through Mick's. Piece by piece shutting off until this room was the only place that remained. Joe knew perfectly well that Mick's universe lie now only in whatever it was he saw beyond the floor upon which this room was built. He opened his eyes to see Mick staring at him... the man's soul taking a last glance over its shoulder before never turning back.

"See ya around, Joe."

With those syllables expressed Mick swung his legs up onto the bed he was sitting on and lay slowly down; right arm swung up over to cover his eyes, and left hand resting upon his stomach. Joe watched him there for a second, watched a man draw breath who no longer cared to breath. His eyes vainly chased the air around the room searching for some last comfort in the accoutrements of their lives. Worn books, worn chairs, worn desks... his notebooks and on the bedpost, Mick's holster cradling a gleaming armament.

"Yeah... see ya Mick."

Joe turned to face the door, and walking slowly out, turned off the lights and closed it. He was several paces down the hall with his hands in his pockets when at the sound of gunshot he put his back to the wall, slid down, and rested his head in his knees, letting emotion wash over him, losing himself forever in its timeless waves.
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June 10, 2001 11.09am est

Can't I just get something that works? The scanner that was supposedly worth the plastic it was printed on didn't work. Which isn't so terribly bad, it happens you know... so I get a different one, and it doesn't work either.

If ever a situation deserved more the phrase: "WTF", I know it not.

So now I take it back to try yet ANOTHER one. Cripes... when will the madness end? When???
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June 08, 2001 6.37pm est

"love is in the air..."

Well something is in the air, people keep adding me on ICQ. It's nuts I tell ya. It's like they think that program is for talking to people or something... sheesh oh peesh... with a can of teesh even.

God damn, Flight of the Valkyries is good.

Well I'm going to play with my new scanner.
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June 07, 2001 11.16am est

I've recently come into a scanner that's actually worth the plastic it's printed on so I'm going to rescan all the pictures I've got (maybe they'll look this time half way decent). And just because I know everyone is dying to know, the film on my trusty disposable is almost up, so be prepared to view all forms of abominable amatuer photography.

Oh yeah, I put up another.
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June 06, 2001 1.22am est

Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks'

"Mankind's knowledge of pants technology has been advanced immeasurably," Kohl said. "We cannot overstate the revolutionary nature of this breakthrough. We are on the verge of unzipping the secrets of creation and peering into the pants of God Himself. We are about to discover the very fabric of the universe, and it appears to be a smart cotton-twill weave."

This is why I love The Onion. God bless those people.
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June 04, 2001 11.39am est - by Tristan

I have noticed recently that Dave has been posting some rather...oh how do I say...Negative messages. In order for other people to understand dave I recently got the chance to talk to Dave himself. The interview reveals the man behind the posts

Tristan: HEllo dave and thank you so much for talking with me today. IT is an honor.

Dave: FUCK YOU!!! Damn I am so fucken tired of people saying 'have a nice day' and shit...fuck you!! Damn...i mean it. i mean what the hell..fuck all of you stupid fuckers. damn

Tristan: Recently i was reading some of your published work and you were stating how life is not as exciting as you may have hoped it to be. Now this is interesting because recently I was reading "The Awakening" by KAte Chopin, and the theme behind that book is that life can be a wonderful experience if one is not held back by social and political trends. is there a similar theme in your writings?

Dave: FUCK KATE CHOPIN AND FUCK SOCIAL AND POL...POL...POLISH TRENDS. fuck i am so sick of you fucken people and your fucken themes. i will wave my theme in your face, but instead of a theme it will be MY COCK YOU FUCKEN WHORE!! FUCK YOU.

Tristan: Interesting. SO life is just one screaming obscenity after another?

Dave: you fucken FAG!! damn fucken fags. seriously i am so fucken tired of fags and their fucken fagness of fagishness. fuck them!!! then end...end of story.

Tristan: What do you think is the best part of life? I only ask because a common theme in your work is the hoplessness that we all feel at some point in our lives. Similar to Joseph Conrad's "HEART OF DARKNESS"

Dave: Fuck darkness....i only like darkness if i am sitting in the corner FUCKING and GETTING A ROCKETLAUNCHER AND BLOWING YOUR SCRODUM OFF!!!' and conrad can suck my huge dragon cock.

Tristan: A different point of view I must say. Before we leave, would you like to say anything to our readers?

Dave: YOU READERS ARE FUCKEN FUCKS!!! SHIT ...FUCKEN READERS. READ THIS : "FUCK YOU!!!" STUPID FUCKERS.

Tristan: Thank you dave, your message continues to inspire us all.
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June 03, 2001 2.42pm est - by Dave

Once again, Dave outdoes himself as only Dave can... a must read.
- Togaen

Hey, it's me again fucks. Yep, the one and only Dave "FUCK YOU" Tam. So, FUCK YOU!!! Anyway, down to business. Remember when I mentioned the hicks in their trucks waving their confederate flag around? Well, I'll make them a deal, if they get to wave their flag around, I get to wave my DICK around. FUCK THEM!!! Stupid piece of shits. I mean gee golly miss molly, I think I might have better things to do with my life than wave a flag around. Say_.learn something for a fucking change. It's not like they could increase their IQ from say zero to maybe a one. If they are lucky. Maybe I should just make them suck on my scrotum grease. Speaking of scrotum grease, I got a fortune cookie the other day that read_.."Dave, FUCK YOU!! You piece of shit!! Get a life. And if you actually believe us fortune cookies then you are a stupid piece of shit. SO FUCK YOU!!" That is what it said. Seriously. Man o man. Life has been sucking ass lately. I mean I take a second to reflect on the things going on in my life. Let's talk about my love life____________________________.. _____.Let's talk about my sex_____________________. _.life_____________________..How about my life in general____________________ WOW, what a FUCKING life. They should make a documentary of my life. "Dave's Life"_______.."The End" ___ FUCK YOU!!! They should also write a book about me too and title it, "Dave Tam, Life of a slut." Yeah, you think that's funny, MOTHER FUCK YOU COCK CHUNK!!!! Shit, even if I had a life in the god forsaken place called Earth, I'd still kill myself. Wanna know why???? FUCK YOU!!! Get your damn nose out of my ass you nosey fuck. You know what though? I'd make a good wolf in the story "Little Red Riding Hood". Hehehehehe. Nough said. Speaking of drunk chicks, wait were we__.? Anyway, drunk chicks. I've seen so god damn many it's not even funny. Drunk chicks are just stupid bitches___..well__. drunk. Not that there is anything wrong with dumb bitches but it's just funny. There was this one dumb bitch I saw in school that got so piss ass drunk that she fucking ran out in front of the street and what next?? A Semi Truck? "SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!" I mean fucking alcohol all over the fucking place. This girl had no blood left to be even considered human. She was just all full of LTD and Vodka. Damn was that some funny shit. I mean she died but I laughed. Hahahahaahaha!!!! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID SNATCH!!!! And I yelled to her, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CROSSING MAIN STREET DRUNK!!! YA CUNT!!!" What a waste of a pussy. Shit, she was a whore anyways. HAHAHAHAH!! I'm cruel. If this offends anyone, give me your name and email address and I'll write you a letter, with two holes in it this time. It will go something like this__
Dear Fellow Fucker,




EAT SHIT AND MOTHER FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




    (hole here)        (and here)




Sincerily Yours,



     GO EAT SHIT!!!!


And you may ask, why two holes this time? It's so I can jab both your motherfucking eyes this time with my weener, ya fuck nut. FUCK YOU if you think I was actually going to apologize. And if you think that story that I just told you about that stupid bitch was true, FUCK YOU!!! You dumb fuck!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I wish though. And what's up with these cheap ass motherfuckers today? It's like they can't afford to buy cock or something. I mean, I accidentally over charged a guy 10 cents at my restaurant before and he got all pissed off at me. HEY FUCK YOU, YOU CHEAP ASS SON OF A UGLY MOMMA'S TWAT!!!! Oooooh, it's not like you can't afford to pay a dime any fucking how. You fuck!! Gee is that Armani you're wearing?? But you can't pay a dime extra cuz you LIKE SCROTUM GREASE FROM MY FUCKING SACHEL????!!!!!!!?!??!!? Yeah FUCK YOU!!! That is all I have to say to you. How about boys with blonde hair??__________Uhh, ok. How about Priests?? How many priest can raise their hand and honestly say they are true to god?? FUCK YOU!!! And put your hand down you fucking penguin. Shit, no man in this fucking world is honestly true to god. They may believe in his hot ass but can you say that you are true to god and that you don't sin?? And if you are one of those people who are true to god_..you know what I'm about to say__.good for you_.(gotacha)__.FUCK YOU!!!!! You fuck who believe in god have mutilated his ways and his ideas. You turned them into something different. For what? For you own protection cock sucker. You use god as in excuse or for someone to blame for the shit that you do. Think about it dipshit. You know I am right. Especially you religious fucks out there. "oooo god is my savior, he grants me life, and freedom and___A COCK TO SUCK BITCH!!!" FUCK YOU!! Yeah, he grants you that shit but when you actually commit a sin, you go praying for god for forgiveness and you take advantage of that hopefully he will reserve a place in heaven for your piece of shit ass still. SHIT!! I have a place for you cock goers_On my COCK!!! That is where you belong!!! You get a girl, who is so religious, her parents religious, and her fucking dog too. I mean they even take that little cunt to the church with them on Sundays!! And she goes and commits a sin, but then goes to pray to god for forgiveness. FUCK HER!! That is the shit I am talking about. And she still thinks she deserves that spot in heaven. FUCK YOU BITCH!!! Your rightful spot is on my friend Jeff's big fucking ass torpedo looking lick cock!!!! You cunt fuck!!! Speaking of ugly cunts again. This one time I saw a girl at some party, she was so piss ass drunk she fell down the stairs and cracked her fucking cunt fuck head open right on some table. It was sick as fuck!!! Of course, she might have gotten pushed. Hehehe. But again, I laughed and yelled FUCK YOU AND YOUR TWAT YOU SNATCH!!! YOU DESERVED IT!!! Now for all of you who thought that story was made up, FUCK YOU IN YOUR FUCKING UNHOLY PLACE OF WISDOM!!!!! YOUR ASS!!! That story was real but I didn't push her down. It was her dumb cuntness that got her that way. She didn't die (darn) but she was badly hurt. We all just sat there and watched her bleed. Then all the guys jumped on top of her and gangbanged her. FUCK YOU, that part was made up!! SNATCHES!! You only wish that was real you sick fucks. And what's up with this The Learning Company shit?? FUCK YOU PEOPLE!!! If you want to help people learn, then why the FUCK don't you make a god damned program that works for Windows 2000 or NT?!? FUCK YOU DICK SUCKS!!!! YOU FUCKING BLOW MY FUCKING ASS!!!! I could make a better program that works better than that. It goes_."HEY FUCK YOU!!!" Click enter FUCK YOU!!!! And then your fucking computer blows up. See, no one has to worry. YOU FUCKS!!! Its as easy as that. People use your program and it works but then when they try to complain, it blows up and you have nothing to worry about. SO FUCK YOU!!! Learn to make a program. Hey, Learning Co. how about you make a program about my fucking cock going into all your company's fucking polluted black holes called your ASSHOLES!!! YOU FUCK HEADS!!! Better yet, how about I just take your "Learn to Speak German that doesn't work for Windows NT and ram it right up your fucking girly girl twats and your wanna be man cocks!! How about that you dildo smokers!?!? FUCK YOU!!! SHIT!!! FUCK YOU SO FAR UP YOUR FUCKING ASS THAT YOU CAN JERK MY FUCKING COCK OFF THROUGH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, YOU FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And for the rest of you sick fucks out there FUCK YOU!!!! That's right. FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU SO FAR DOWN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH THAT I COULD FUCK ANOTHER GIRL RIGHT THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE YOU FUCK MUNCH!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway folks we are all fucked up. GOD, YOU SICK FUCKS!!!!! FUCK YOU!!! Man, I'm so sick of you the world's shit, I think I'm just gonna go FUCK MYSELF!!!!!! I'll continue this saga later. But for now, FUCK YOU!!!! Keep in tuned cuz you never know when I'll fuck you in the ass, you scrotum crab. FUCK YOU AND ME AND FUCK THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD WITH A RUBBER FUCKING DILDO!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!! NO MOTHERFUCK YOU!!! Dave signing out.
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June 02, 2001 8.44pm est - by Dave

Yeah it's long, but everyone should read this post by Dave... it's fucking good.
- Togaen

All right you fucks! Get ready for this bitching. Cuz it's bitch day you fucks. Whoever is reading this, raise your hands if you can honestly and positively say, you feel good about yourself. .........FUCK YOU SNATCH!! And put your fucking hand down, you look like a jackass. You are the people who are fucked in the ass, hiding behind the false imitation that you feel good about yourself. FUCK YOU!! You are the people that are weak and fragile. And FUCK YOU to the people who think that I am not weak. I never said I wasn't weak either. But anyway you people just say you feel good about yourself to hide behind the other shit that is happening in your life. The BAD shit. I was watching Springer last night and what comes to my attention is this Fat ass mother fucking sumo/fat fuck/obese piece of turd/whale/elephat. It's not that he is fat is why I'm making a comment about this, it's because he said he felt good about himself. I knew for damn sure he was high on his boastings about how much of a blubber butt he was but in reality, he is using that blubber as a shield. To shield away the BAD things that are really happening. And in reality, he feels good about himself to hide behind everything else. Oh oh, say you go ask someone "What's up?" "How's it going?" and they say to you, "oh good" "I'm doing very good". FUCK YOU!! Bullshit! Now those are the most fucked up people. You get a guy who just got raped in the ass and you ask him how he is (say he was your friend and you had no idea he was raped by a guy). He says that he is doing really good. No he's not. He just got raped in the ass by a guy. How can any straight guy be doing "good" after that? But anywhoo you must all think that i'm either fucked up or jealous or soemthing. Well, you got the fucked up part right and FUCK YOU by the way for thinking that. You probably think I'm a dick as well. Well, I'm sorry. I'll send you a letter of apology with the hole in the middle of it saying....

     Dear Who this may concern,







FUCK YOU!!!







            (Where the hole goes)



Sincerily yours,



     Dave

P.S. FUCK YOU!!!

That is what the letter will look like. And you wanna know what the whole is for? Well, it's so when you read it, I shove my fucking dick in the whole and jab you in your fucking eye you jerkoff. HAHAHAHAHA, if you have a problem with me, FUCK YOU!! YOu can take it up with the sachel between my legs called my nutsack. And this also came in the other Sunday. Some dumb shit piece of shit hicks where driving around town in the "Ford Ranger" with a huge ass confederate flag up, telling me to go back to my fucking homeland. Well I got one thing to say to them, FUCK YOU and FUCK YOUR MOMS YOU TWATS!! Like you are really going to get me to go back to my homecountry of China with your big confederate flags and "Ford Ranger". Ohhhh I'm shaking in my shorts now. FUCK YOU!!! If I had a shotgun that day, I'd tell you where you could stick that flag of yours. Right up your fucking cock hole you gay fucks. The year is 2001 you numb nutted fucks. Not the civil war era. People just don't know when to quit do they? I mean shit, I usually don't give a shit about racist remarks and shit like that but that I found to be more moronic than anything I've seen. And FUCK YOU to the people who are racist. Shit, in fact, I'm still pissed off about that day. And there were little kids around too. My little cousins and folks. Oh my god. If I ever see them again, hell would break loose in their turd tunnels. I swear, nothing like racist morons to make your day go much better. FUCK YOU!! And speaking of races, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is got to be one of the greatest fucking movies ever. Along with the others that won an academy award. Whoever thinks differently can suck my sachel. If it wasn't a good movie, then how come it won 4 academy awards? Huh? You FUCK! You don't just give academy awards to chinks that run around with a fucking sword. No no. Crouching Tiger is no ordinary chink film. It is the shit. I do say that Gladiator did win it's rightful place but then again you have those people who dislike Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, they must all eat my shit. I mean come on, what other movie do you know (that was nominated that night) won an academy award for not speaking english in the whole fucking entire movie?? So basically, they gave an award out to a movie that they couldn't even fucking understand. Minus the fact that there were sub titles. I mean, how much better can it be? And when I use chink as a word, it's to all those who get enjoyment of calling people by names such as chinks, niggers, spicks, shit like that. FUCK YOU PEOPLE!!! And if you are my friend and you are reading this, FUCK YOU TOO!! JUst cuz I said fuck you, nothing else. Just wanted to add a few more fucks to this long fucking posting. Hmmm what else to bitch about? Oh, Clockwork Orange sucks a great big dick but I do not dare diss Stanley Kubrick. Back to the "feeling good about yourself" thing, if you really do feel good, then you will have nothing to say but "alright" to the person who asks you. Cuz when you say alright, that means, there are things going around that you don't feel good about and there are some things that may be good stuff. And for those of you fucks that say, "oh, everything is going shitty" FUCK YOU and walk it off you jackoff. I know I have said that one too many times and I have gotten to the point where I don't care anymore. All this cuz of some fat guy eh? WOW. As long as I can play quake and see my dick right below me, I'm just fine and dandy. You wanna be a good person?? FUCK YOU!! You can't. There is no such thing. There is a such thing called a nice person, giving person, but not a good person. And if they are good people, THEN MOTHERFUCK THEM!!!! "MOTHERFUCK THEM TILL THEY BLEED THROUGH THEIR MOUTHS!!" SHIT!! However that is performed. I dunno, never tried it yet. And shit, I will continue this hist later. FOr now, this is my posting. There will be other days where I just want to bitch about nothing and say fuck all the time. So, FUCK YOU, you fucks and lick my sachel cuz I'm Dave "FUCK YOU" Tam and I say to you FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF, I'm off to work. THe holy land. Wait, that's Jeff's ass. Hahaha. FUCK YOU!!!! BITCH!
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Archived News:
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7/20/02 - 1/26/03    1/26/03 - current