Archived News:
3/6/01 - 6/1/01    6/2/01 - 9/16/01
9/16/01 - 2/14/02    2/17/02 - 7/20/02
7/20/02 - 1/26/03    1/26/03 - current

 January 26, 2003  2.46pm est  - Togaen

I suppose if I'm going to proclaim to show you the hottest of all things hot I ought to upload the picture, huh. Well now it's fixed so go cry me a freakin' semen puddle.

Just so everyone knows, Adam now has administrative access to this site; so if anything incriminating shows up, he did it (regardless of whether he actually did it or not). Who knows... maybe I am Adam and am just trying to fool and enslave the human race so they might hoist me upon their shoulders as exhalted lordgod of all and clean my toes with the teeth of virgins... guess we'll have to wait and see.

 January 25, 2003  2.43pm est  - Togaen

You can come into my house... you can eat my food... you can fuck my wife... but you do not fuck with my website! So, Adam, challenging my position as content provider are you? Think you can out gun the big guns, eh? Well I got news for you... *leans in close and whispers*... you goin' down. I have a wasted youths worth of archived drivel for which you are no match. Bring it homeslice. You are just lucky dial-up is the spawn of Satan... but when my cxn starts working again... you are toast... WITHOUT butter. Oh that is right.

Having said that, I would like to present the world with the hottest thing that ever is, was, or will be:


This right here? This is the way to world peace. Simply hoist this magnificent creation upon banner rods and carry it to the forefront of battle... all will relinquish their arms. Upon witnessing this greatness people will stare, and cry in remorse for the horrible horrible monsters they are... and then they will go home and make sweet sweet love to the first person they find for the rest of their lives. Ahhhhh... what a wonderful wonderful future.

 January 15, 2003  2.30pm est  - Togaen

I heard on the radio earlier that the temperature outside had risen to 17°F (-8.3°C). Doesn't that just warm the cockles of your heart? I tell ya, it warms the fuck out of my cockles.

If a soul that reads this has yet to come into possession of Mutter, then that soul is lost indeed. This CD will totally tour de rock your nuts. Download Mein Herz Brennt if you do not believe me. You belong to Rammstein. Tuesday I went to the Fort of Wayne to use a Best Buy gift card I got from Tony's for christmas... and guess what I bought... Rammstein: Live aus Berlin. For the love of god get this too- the purpose of my existence has now become seeing them in concert. I am so going to sacrifice my first-born to Rammstein.

Till Lindemann is my god. He is like Dave Matthews... only cool.

God damn, now I have to go watch it.

 December 31, 2002  10.02am est  - Dave

"Look who's back, back again, Davey's back, tell a friend. All you mothafuckas out there listen up. It's Dave and he's back! Back with a kick, in your a-hole. Gonna shove my foot straight up your honey brewing dick nut" Hey, I'm back! Posting that is. Hey everybody, what's a penis + a penis x a vagina equal up to? Give up? Tristo beating off. Well, christmas was fun. I hung out with my other family. Which would be Dan and his parents and if you want to include Audra too. Hehe. But yeah. THen the day before I left, I got to hang out with my friends. Yeah. Scooby and the black lamb. Man, do they get tighter by the year. You know, girls suck. They are dumb bitches that don't understand anything but their own needs. As you can tell, I was shot down once again by a girl. But what the fuck!? I swear, girls suck. It's impossible to impress a girl even by personality. Especially if you're me. FUCK THEM! I'm not turning gay either. So, for all you gay guys named Tristan. Sorry, you won't get me. I'm just going to fuck my hand until the day I die. FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM! Jesus christ on a tit follicle. SHIT! What the fuck!? Life is so fucked up. I tell ya. Tis my time to ventilate. Not by whacking off either. God damn. I have not reverted to my old middle school nickname. David "The Great". Seriously, ask Dan if you want to. I am the greatest. In bed. By myself. with my hand. I make Rosie call me daddy all night. FUCK.... That's what I tell Rosie to do. To fuck my cock. To fuck it hard. Yeah. Smack it like it's a rubber monkey dick. Yeah. Oh sorry. going off on a small tangent there. If I had a gun, i'd rape myself with it. Seriously, life was good at the beginning of this semester. Then it started to suck about a month or two ago. Shit. Atleast I still have my ass virginity. Some girl was saying that if we ever had sex, she'd shove a dildo up my ass. Would that count as devirginizing my rectal tunnel? I told her I'd stick my dick in her fuck eye if she ever did that. But I was just curious. Anyway, on to better things. LIke Tristan now has a cell phone and we can have fake gay phone sex. Well, to him it's realy but I'm just joking. I hear that Jeff has two jobs. Yeah, one delivering pizza and the other is giving bloe jobs to his masa. ME! Har har. John still playing bass. Which is cool cuz he can play my dick bass anytime. The stroking version. Well folks. It's sad but I must depart to my bed and rape my pillow. This is what happens when you have no life. Tootles.

Dave "Cock pillows are the shit" Tam

 December 30, 2002  4.22pm est  - Togaen

Pretend it's eleven days ago, run outside and scream


for my website. We turn three. Then go back to pretending it's today. Thank you, that is all.

 December 10, 2002  5.58pm est  - Tristan

Hello to all that reads this. Jeff..Dan and maybe Dave. For I welcome you to the magic land of Tristan's head-tonia. A magical land where studying physics for hours and hours every day makes you seriously consider the fantastic perks and privelages suicide has to offer. But Physics is not all I have to study for. No, for I also much approach the study of a certain Spanish Exam. Where small evil creatures, known as vocab words, spring up out nowhere trying to drag you STRAIGHT TO HELL!! We can also not forget the wonderful Biomechanics test, and the ever popular History Final Exam. My goodness, I feel like a Kid in a candy store....where the candy is replaced with scalding hot razor blades. I know, it is not that bad. Atleast I have a certain roomate who will keep my spirits up by refering to me as a "Giant Anal thermometer who like the man budonkadong" Without this support I would probably find myself studying, getting strai ght A's, graduating and earning lots of money, and marrying a french supermodel. Thank you Adam, for helping me to avoid this bleak future. And thanks to everyone who will listen to me bitch even more after I find out my grades.

 December 8, 2002  3.40pm est  - Togaen

Let me run a little scenario by you... I go over to John's house to watch Veggie Tales and Anne says: "So did you bring the tapes?" and I say: "No, I thought you did." You know, since it was her idea and all... but then she says: "If you go get the tapes, I'll show you what you would look like if you were a ginger bread man." And suddenly the slight annoyance I had felt at Anne's laziness began to oscillate wildly back forth between bouts of fear and perverse curiosity... unable to decide based purely upon the presented happenings of the moment, I decided to concede to the offer based solely on the bravado displayed by the smaller and more Dave Matthews oriented Tonne sibling. Hurridly and stealthily I made my way to the video store, retrieved the annointed cassettes, and returned to the bakery. Upon laying the magnetic reels upon the desk nearest me, I collected myself, found my center, and said, "okay, I am ready... show me the ginger bread Jeff"... well I didn't actually say that, but I was thinking that; but she did, however, actually present my baked-good incarnation- and lo, my anxiety was not the slightest unfounded, nay, if anything, 'twere underdone. Here for your pleasure is myself rolled, punched, and baked at a very high temperature for a relatively short period of time:

Take a breath, you'll need it.

Okay, now click here.

This is why Anne is cooler than pretty much all of you. Except maybe one person. Ironically the same person that told me to write something here.

 November 23, 2002  11.30am est  - Togaen

Oh wow... there are two things that should never ever ever be mixed... and those two things are Christianity and rap. Wow wow wow. I was flipping through the channels last night and came across the Christian channel... ahhahaa... oh man... this guy was talking about Eminem and what a poor lost soul he was and how he had the honour to meet him outside a concert once and hand him a CD of music he'd made... you know, so he "could help set him on the path to righteousness". Then this guy did us all the favour of singing one of the songs. And the one he sang was written specifically for Eminem. First off, as a christian, don't you have better things to be doing than trying to convert millionaire celebrities? I understand that converting him would gain publicity and whatnot... but it's not going to happen- and you know it. You should be out helping people who need help you fuck. Of course once the guy started singing I knew why he focused his energies like that... he was a complete rip-off of Eminem. How pathetic is that, this guy lives as a parasite taking the creative work of someone else and making money by producing garbage that has mild similarities and selling it to the brainwashed masses. And he's not just a rip-off... but a really, really bad one. Why does all christian music suck? I mean really, it's not just kinda bad, it's really really bad- it's a joke. I wonder if they realize they're only hurting they're cause when they do shit like that. "Hey kids, convert now and you can be as lame and pathetic as we are!!" Yikes.

So now you want to hear the song, don't you... yes I know you do. It's "Dear Slim" (I shit you not, that is the real title) by KJ-52 (I shit you not, that is the guy's real stage name). Download here

 November 16, 2002  12.11am est  - Togaen

hahahahaha... oh man... check the new link in the guestbook... ehh, at your own risk though, I take no responsibility for the consequences... but man is it funny... hahahaha

 November 13, 2002  10.23am est  - Togaen

Someone left a signature on my guestbook about caviar; I took it down because I'm pretty sure it's just spam (can you believe that? spamming guestbooks now... truely nothing is sacred, if I had had more sleep last night I would really be pissed... save that for tomorrow). If however, someone has a good reason for putting it there, I'll resurrect it.

 November 5, 2002  3.16pm est  - Togaen

I just got another song from Rammstein's Mutter album... I am so gonna get this record, it rocks. Last night I also learned what 'Rammstein' means- it's equivalent to the English 'battering ram'... what an absolutely perfect name for that band.

 October 25, 2002  12.27pm est  - Togaen

You are fast grass-smoker... BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH!!!!1 I posted this in February and in the Good Links section; but Phyllis brings out again... everyone definately go here at least once. It's so god damn funny it's unreal:

REAL Ultimate Power!!!

bwhwahahahaharhrhrhahrhrhrhahrarara. j00 h4v3 b33n ll4m4d.

 October 24, 2002  8.46am est  - Togaen

I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals... but these people from PETA are morons. What the hell were they hoping to accomplish here?:

High-Heeled Fur Protesters Strip in Chilly Beijing

 October 22, 2002  3.36pm est  - Togaen

Quote of the week:

"How're you guys coming on your project? I just did ours by myself... they told me not to, but I did anyway." - Chris Biggs

The project he's talking about is for our Architecture class, the plural pronouns refer to their respective groups (he didn't say this to me, rather, to someone sitting next to me). Witness the wonderful comraderie, the beautiful esprit de corps, of Computer Science majors. Relish in the team oriented mindset of the people at the helm of the world's way of business and communication. I couldn't believe it, it made me so mad to hear him say that- so of course I chewed him out for it, but I know from experience this doesn't do anything. What makes the situation worse is that they're all like that (except for me of course, I am the lone pinnacle of perfection in a world submerged in idiocy... okay maybe not). They don't need help. They'll do it on their own... and it'll be better than yours. Want to know why? Just ask, they'll gladly expound on the innumerous glories of their talents. It makes me sick. Think I'm kidding? Here's another priceless quote:

"I looked at yours, and actually, the way I did it was much better; here's why..." - Roberts

That was him to his partner, and even though I'm sure he was right (his partner doesn't have much programming experience) that's not what I would call 'teamwork'. In CS, 'teamwork' is synonymous with 'competition'. Actually, everything is synonymous with competition in CS. It's disgusting. Having a conversation with these guys is virtually impossible, from syllable one they're too caught up jerking themselves off to actually say something of value; and you should listen in when they talk to each other. It hurts. Physically. When I suggested a division of labour in my group, one guy grimaced... I shit you not, he actually grimaced... but eventually acquiesced. When I had my database class it was mostly business majors, and as you know, they are all about division of labour (their problem is they divide it too much, but that's another rant) and when we had group projects it was great, everyone had a task, we did it, and got it done.

My department is a bunch of duplicitous ass-mongers. Get two or three of them together, they wank each other off for awhile then berate everyone else. These alliances form and last only for the duration of their proximity; switch people and the names change, but the conversation doesn't. I really don't even understand how they can say the same thing all day every day and not get bored. It doesn't make sense. They have such distorted world views, they're blanket anit-government, and anything that doesn't happen with a computer turned on isn't worth thinking about. The partner of mine that grimaced makes well known every chance he gets that he has an emulated version of every arcade game from 1980 to 1999. He challenges you to name one and he'll tell you that he has it. I can't help but wonder WHY. Why the hell would you spend hours and hours collected all these arcade games, never play them, and then brag that you have them?? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. There's another thing, why do these people insist on becoming masters of worthless trivia? For instance, want to know the model number for 1983 second run version of some obscure piece of hardware? No? Why not?? This is important information apparently... I mean just because it hasn't been manufactured in 19 years and even then it was was only used by Oncologists in the Ukraine doesn't mean you shouldn't want to know it's model number!

Actually I do know the answer to these questions. It's because in the computer world, it's possible to learn everything there is to know. Why? Because computers are man-made, everything about them was created by a person. So if you want to know anything at all, all you have to do is look it up. What does this have to do with jerkwads who major in Computer Science; well these are people who feel very insecure and powerless... so the thought of knowing everything there is to know about something is very attractive. They spend all their time looking this stuff up, and by the time they get to college, they are masters of this useless trivia; and when they get around each other, it's endless one-upmanship because they can't and won't let themselves believe that they are not almighty. There's an important distinction to be made, however, between what these people do and what Computer Science actually is. Computer Science doesn't really have anything to do with computers themselves, it's a study of how to solve problems with computers... a difference that is as big as it is small.

Like that last line? Yeah, I'm pretty proud of it.

Actually, the study of how to solve problems with a computer is really the study of solving problems in a finite discrete system... making it just a branch of Discrete Mathematics. Now see, get these guys on a conversation that actually involves the Science part of Computer Science and they fall mute. Oh sure, they'll lecture you for hours on the syntax of various programming languages, but try to talk to them about making a programming language and it's, "oh that's dumb, such-and-such language is far superior to anything so why bother making a new one". There's another thing that bothers me, their fierce loyalty to objects. Computers are objects, languages are objects... theories and algorithms are ideas... scientists are loyal to ideas, not objects. They don't leave their safe haven of sure knowledge because they fear being bested by a concept, they fear looking at something, not understanding it, and not being able to look up the answer. Fucking ninnies.

Thankfully I don't fall into that group (at least I don't think so- rebuttals welcome), but being around them has made me want to push myself as far away from that mentality as possible.

 October 18, 2001  3.58pm est  - Togaen

I just read a really really good book. Magdalena the Sinner by Lilian Faschinger. It's the fictional tale of a sevenfold murderess and her confession to a kidnapped Catholic priest. It is utterly priceless. I got it from Anne and now I give it to you. Here is a passage to wet your whistle:

"What was it that was drawing my Puch 800 to Munich, and from there on to the Austrian border in a manner verging witchcraft? This mysterious pull to the southeast began to occupy my thought so totally that roughly twenty kilometers outside Augsburg I veered so far to the left that I almost collided with a Toyota that was passing me, bearing an Ingolstadt license tag. Right before Munich, and after a few additional near-fatal misses, I had probed my subconscious to the point that I was forced to admit that it was the Austrian pastry exerting this magnetic pull, and not just any pastry, but an apricot strudel prepared with apricots from the region around Waidhofen on the Ybbs,..."

This is really the most entertaining book I've ever read.

 October 17, 2002  9.39am est  - Togaen

"That's why I'm hopeful about life. We can all laugh, each according to a different pleasure. That means we can always agree it is better to laugh than to kill each other."
- Elia Suleiman     

 October 11, 2002  1.00pm est  - Togaen

H.R. Giger is one of my favourite artists of all time... boy, one of his books (1, 2) sure would make a great christmas present for someone...

I sure wish I had one of them... or even both...

But I digress. The point is, anyone that can do this with an airbrush is cool.

 October 10, 2002  10.59pm est  - Togaen

I've always been miffed about the lack of aesthetic and accommodating accoutrements in men's bathrooms- it has always struck me as unfair and unjust. But then, thanks to the Drew Carrey show, I suffer miffdom no more. The exchange went like this, "What were you doing in the women's bathroom?" "I was laying on the couch, how come there's no couch in the men's bathroom?" "If there was a couch in the men's bathroom, would you want to lay on it?" "Oh"

Simple and elegant. The mathematical part of my brain gave a standing ovation.

 October 9, 2002  3.25pm est  - Togaen

This is for everyone that laughed at me when I told them I admired the framed fractals in Professor Ruselinks house. You cretins probably don't even know what a fractal is... luckily I had to write a program to generate the most famous fractal so now you all can know the joy.

download here

 September 28, 2002  10.13am est  - Togaen

God bless The Onion... seriously. They are the voice of reason in an otherwise chaotic and reasonless world.

The September 11 Anniversary: Two Weeks Later

 September 26, 2002  10.56pm est  - Togaen

Tristan "what part of 'must not come within 500ft' don't you understand Natalie?" Reitz has shown me the light... remember my dilemma over the nature of beauty? It has been solved with a simple and elegant display of beauty in it's purest form; this is a proof straight from the book, as Erdös would say.

Want to know what it is? Watch CNN Headline News any weeknight from 10pm to 6am and you will see for yourself. Beauty has been seen. It is Rudi Bakhtiar.

 September 24, 2002  9.34am est  - Togaen

Yeah... the German language thought it was all big and bad, it was all like, "oh, oh you think you're getting somewhere, but for every word you learn I have five waiting to take it's place! BWAAHAHA!!"

But no longer shall I suffer it's harassment; for I, yes I, have found Excalibur- and it is The Harper Collins German Unabridged Dictionary. It is two thousand sixteen pages of victory, my friends. It is the Alpha and the Omega. It is love. I will reign supreme.

 September 23, 2002  5.45pm est  - Togaen

Last night as I was deliverying pizzas one guy gave me a bottle of beer as a tip... it was cool. Anyway I just got back from the liquour store (drunk that I have become), but while I was there the clerk recognized me. Yes, you read that correctly. Someone recognized me. I was quite taken aback. Not only did she recognize me... but from high school. This is someone who in all probability hasn't seen me in almost three and a half years- the human brain has a remarkable facial recognition system. Of course, I didn't know who the hell it was; but it was still cool.

Joke of the day (courtesy Tristan):
Q: What do you call a constipated German?
A: Farfrompoopin.

 September 23, 2002  10.45am est  - Togaen

I don't know about other countries, but a parent in this country who raises their children the way God raises his is put in jail.

 September 18, 2002  9.12pm est  - Dave

Man, I've been a busy little bee lately! Aside from the usual raping of Tristan's mouth, I've been rollerblading a lot, eating a lot....healthier. (Ha, got ya twat sacks!) I've been throwing in about 12-13 miles a day for rollerblading. Five days a week. Well, lately the weather has been shitty so it has been about 3 days a week. I've been one busy little nude beaver. Aside from Tristan telling me that I'm hot all the time, nothing much else has happened. YEP. Still no love life. Can ya believe that? Anyway, I want to fuck a moldy twat now just cuz I'm a bit tired. Nothing beats an apple a day except a moldy ass fucking twat. Speaking of moldy asses. Tristan's ass has the most mold I've ever seen in a girl's ass. I've never seen a guy's ass before but I have seen Tristan's and he is a girl. A little wittle girly girl. Well fuck, can you believe that. I forgot all that I was gonna post. SHIT. Well fuck. I can't think . Ah fuck it. This will do until I remember. Anyway, I'll post again soon.

Sincerely yours,

Wild Spores Galores!!!

 September 16, 2002  9.45pm est  - Tristan & Adam

One day in a magical kingdom called "Tristan's Room" there lived a magical creature. This magical creature was a bearded clam with makeup on. It was really hot...I am talking fineeeeeeeeeeee ass hot. So anyway, this clam that was bearded, was walking down the street. As it was walking it fell into a man hole. And thus the beginings of lesbianism. Se habla espanol.

Copyright Tristan " children and oil are our most precious resource, but which one should we tap first?" Reitz and Adam" two pizzas in my pants are not enough, I am not a gerbil for chrisakes" Bancroft.

 September 14, 2002  9.50am  - Adam

 September 5, 2002  3.33pm est  - Togaen

Okay, read this:

Dear Miss Manners,
Usually, lots of men I pass by on the street say "hi" to me. I assume it's flirting. Most of the time I just ignore it and walk right by, since I don't want to stop walking and say "hi" to a stranger; I don't even know what his intentions are!

But lately I've felt that what I do seems pretty rude and I think I'm coming off as unapproachable, and I was wondering what is the best way to deal with this kind of situation without being rude.

Gentle Reader,
If you want to seem approachable - which Miss Manners understands to be the same as not wanting to seem unapproachable - you might respond, "Hi, honey. Are you lonesome?"

She does not recommend this. What you were already doing is the correct behavior, not because you don’t know what a strange man’s intentions are toward you, but because you do.

Are you as pissed off as I am? Probably not if you're not male; regardless, you should be... um, pissed off, that is. I'm mad at the woman for believeing that anytime some guy says hi he's flirting, but I suppose her exceedingly inflated ego is harmless... what makes me irate is this Miss Manners character: "...not because you don’t know what a strange man’s intentions are toward you, but because you do." Boy, let's not perpetuate any stereotypes here, just the straight facts. CHRIST... on a stick even, apparently we (men) are incapable of just being nice or cordial. What a bitch.

 September 4, 2002  9.11pm est  - Togaen

Thanks to the fair Lady Cholet for this one... just... just download it... I can't... I just... can't... wow...

Wonder Woman theme song

 September 3, 2002  5.09pm est  - Togaen

My wrist hurts... and no, it's not what you're thinking; it can't be, it's my left wrist that hurts... so it's either something far more mundane or horrifying. I'll let you decide which.

 September 1, 2002  10.29am est  - Togaen

Q: Why did the sexually active watch roam the landscape?
A: Because it was looking for a good time.

Us + Tristan + late at night = scary.

 August 27, 2002  9.49am est  - Dave

What the fuck is wrong with me!?!?!? Jesus christ on cacti shit. Since the last time I wrote a post to now, I think I've watched "A Walk to Remember" 11 times! Jesus FUCK!! That's like 5 more times in one day!!!! FUCK! Hey, has anyone ever raped jello? DON'T! I mean shit, unless your girlfriend likes nuts on that jello, smothered with DICK! Ooooo, that's cold. Burrrr.. FUCK YOU! SHIT SLITTER! Hey guys, I really liked your page you did on me! THANK YOU AND FUCK YOU! NUT BLISTER! TUNA CALLUS!!! GoD I LoVe yOu gUys. You fucking dike mellons! Man, there were so many hot chicks in class today. Well, my second one that is. I couldn't contain myself. There were so many hotties I had to rape a fucking bic pencil (Cuz that's what I had in my hand at the time). Don't you feel like dick tonight? No but I know Tristan wants a dick in him. Give me a T to the R to the I to the S to the T to the I to the N. What's that spell?!? homo. Sorry sorry, I was out of line. I mean wanna homo. Do you wanna be raped? If you're a girl and you wanna be fucked, call 1-800-Dave-Tam. Cuz Dave Tam is your man. I went rollerblading today. Hit 12 miles and many many cuties! Damn. Dizamn! Don't be clownin' mofucka. I sometimes wonder, why the fuck am here?!?!? I say it is to rape tristan nights over mournful nights again and again. Pain tearing into his ass and rippling through his butt cheeks. Man that's descriptive! I ate a fucking 2 lb steak tonight. Oh my god!! That cow is gonna give me some pain in my rectum when time cums or when I do. hehe. OH SHIT!! HOLY FUCK TWAT! OWE!! MY ASS IS LEAKING RECTUM BLOOD!! oh wait. That's just me cumming....through my ass. One day, I'm gonna write the greatest post ever. If I haven't already. But shit. Fuck on a jesus stick. You guys are too hard to please. I get so horny writing posts to you guys. Makes me want to spew cum through my eyes and out my ass zits. Has anyone every played with their cock pubes?!? Man, just don't play too hard. Mofucka's hurt if you tug too hard. But you can pay them back by shaving them off. TAKE THAT PUBE SLUTS!!! Has anyone ever heard of angry cock syndrome? It's when you're angry and you don't have a cock. Usually applies to people named Tristan but we won't talk about that. Why does it seem like i'm always raping Tristo with my words? I dunno, cuz it's COOOL! And cuz he likes Dave Mathews! OOOOOOHHH!!! *Slam cock on Tristan's Face* What's better than cock? Cock with butter all in a clutter, Inside Tristan's nutter. One time at Dave camp, I sat on a rock and my ass swallowed it up. Then Jeff hit me with his dick and it popped right back out into Tristan's dick. *singing tone* Tristan's dick dick, on my prick, take a sip and let it rip! Swapping semen is the coolest thing to do these days. Hehe. Man, one day, I'm gonna grow old and still be writing these posts. I'll give you 5 great god damn reasons why Tristan is the 2nd coolest person in the world. 1.) If hot had another name, it would be Tristan. 2.) Tristan spelled backwards is phat cock. 3.) If cock came in different flavors, one of them would be named Tristalicious. 4.) If you see a picture of Tristan when he was like three and he had a girl's dress on, you would blow your wad clear to Pluto. And 5.) Tristan's ass is the only ass you can play peekaboo with your dick. *bling* There ya go. 5 great reasons why Tristo is the 2nd hottest dude alive. He is almost the 8th wonder of the world. Maybe even the 9th and 10th. Well folks, I've gots to go to bed. Gots to dream of hot women and what the hell I'm going to do tomorrow. Probably rollerblade but ya kknow. Well, over and out.

*Sluts don't cum in two's, the cum in 5's and 10's.*

 August 26, 2002  8.06pm est  - Togaen

I just do not know what to say. Tristan Reitz is a mad genius. Wow. Just trust me and here click!

 August 26, 2002  10.31am est  - Dave

God, I just got done watch "A Walk to Remember" for the 6th time. That is such the greatest chick flick and since I watched it, it makes me a chick...that is manlier than all ya'll. Holy shit. Skin me a yellow dicked donkey. Someone once asked me if donkeys could fly. I told them yes as long as I piss on your face while you're screaming "slam it to me with a charred bat handle". Can anyone believe fall semester has begun again? I'm about to beat everyone with a condom. But MAN! I cannot believe this shit. I hope this year is not as shitty as last year. GOD Forbid. Pray that I find a girlfriend this year. Jesus christ on marshmallow cum tongue. What's this I hear about Jeff going to Virginia where Dave Mathews lived or grew up. A few words ta dat: WHO GIVES A SHIT!!!!! But it was cool that Jeff got to go and Tristan didn't. What a nut pimple. I'm kinda pissed though. Jeff should have spent a few days with me before I left. BUt no! His cock hoe ass ditched me for Charlottesville's Vagina. NO! FUCK THAT! FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU!! ...... Dude, my semen is like algae eaters. Once I squirt them in your ass they stick to your rectum tunnel and clean it out for you. You should be thanking me ya cock corn. FUCK THIS!! FUCK THAT!! FUCK FUCK!!! JESUS FUCK!! It smells like old FUCK in here. fuck. Damn. Fuck. I gave up smoking cock thanks to a little help from Tristarette. He sucks my dick so I won't have to. HEHEHE. Well, I have to get to bed. Just found out that I have an 8:30 class tomorrow. I will post again later.

"Ugly Bumpers bump uglies which in turn makes pretties"

 August 24, 2002  3.23pm est  - Tristan

We live in a sick, sick world my friends. yes it is true. I have come onto this realization recently when I learned that Jeffery Johnson of Angola, Indiana....recently went to a small Virginia town called Charlottesville. This trip may be more bleak however, because I think it proves that their is no god, OR if there is one, he is a hurtful and vengeful diety. How did I come to this realization? How can one trip of someone elses, completly shatter my way of life. Well Jeff Johnson (His name is spoken in the land of Mordor, which i will not utter here) went to Charlottesville. Home of Dave Matthews.....yes...yes...ok calm down Tristan..pull yourself together. Jeff Joh....Jeff John....hhh...Jeff ate at Miller's. Which is a place where Dave use to work. Jeff was at Miller's....Jeff Jhonson was at Miller's....*shudder* Jeff has been to Miller's, and I have not. Jeff also saw the waerhouse..yeah the waerhouse...where the blood is flowing..yes the warehouse, where every man and woman ..SHUT UP I'M THINKING!!!! ok ok sorry....

So everyone who reads this...please do not delude yourself any further thinking that life is beautiful....ect.... It is not. It is a cold and dark place....dark dark dark.

Next he is going to take a road trip to Austin Texas...that bastard.

 August 23, 2002  11.19pm est  - Togaen

Oh yeah, it turns out that Charlottesville is where some guy named Dave Matthews is from... yeah I never heard of him either; apparently he's in some band. Kinda sketchy from what I hear. But the important thing is that I was there, and Tristan was not.

bwahahahahahaha... man I'm evil.

 August 23, 2002  2.08pm est  - Togaen

Went on a trip to Virginia... okay, one word: awesome. Verily did I search my vocabulary box hard and long (hehe) to uncover grandiloquent words to summarize the past five days, but really, that is the only one that does it justice. Now did you get it? Here, let me reiterate:


Okay, moving on. Seriously though. Oh my god. The landscape. Sweet mother. I got my ass whooped in Boggle- what more can I say? Even the drive there was fun... Anne says, "want to stop and eat lunch?" I'm all innocent like and say "sure, I even brought some wine... though it says to serve slightly chilled" to which Anne replies "I'll slightly chill you" BAM! Completely blind sided, oh man... and as if that weren't enough we're eating Sun Chips (yum) later and she says "want some potato chips?" and again with the innocence I say "they're not potato chips, they're corn chips" and in top form Anne replies "I'll corn your chips". I was floored. The student has become the master. Of course, the apex of this tomfoolery was in the kitchen at the apartment. I don't even remember what it was she said- but christ on a damn stick, I was literally doubled over. It was a religious experience.

The trip itself wasn't too shabby either. We partied with Stacy and Velodda, who are, let me just say, two of the coolest kittens ever. They have a dog that was just adorable: it was like Ginger only cool. I tried to take it out running once... hahahhaa... yeah that didn't work. Got a quarter the way through the first lap and it just quit. Pansy. But hey at least the dog went running... more than I can say for some people... oh yes, I went there. Holy shit though, those are the most perfect roads for running I have ever seen. Hills, lots of hills. Hills with balls. Yeah, hoosier hill? Shiiiiiiiit... that ain't nuthin'! Yeah that was fun. So then we went to Richmond and wandered around the downtown, went to the fine arts museum, which was very very cool. Except for the modern art. Most of that sucked hard, and not in a sexy way at all.

Watched Zoolander, hella funny movie. Watched Amélie, awesome. Played Boggle. Played Mad Gab. Got toasted. We went on a tour of the wineries around Charlottesville... holy shit that was cool. I've got six bottles staring at me right now as a result of that little adventure. At one of them we got a tour of the actual winery. That was awesome. Basically that whole day was spent admiring scenery and drinking wine...

...give me a moment...

Okay. I'm good. I wanna go back. Dammit. Alright... JEFF! Collect yourself dammit! Oh it was all good wine, but there was this one that just... fuck... it's a desert wine, and it's like... like... liquid happy. That's the only way I can describe it. I cannot wait for an occasion to break that out. Someone give me an excuse.

It was such a great trip. There's even a few new quotes up.

 August 23, 2002  1.06pm est  - Togaen

Calamity Jane...

Best. Movie. Ever.

 August 4, 2002  2.57am est  - Togaen

Yippee fucking hoora dilly. Two fifty fucking two in the morning. Last night I was awake until 6.45... then I dozed off for a bit and woke up at ONE. Yeah, what are the odds of me ever getting a normal sleep pattern now. Will someone please shoot me in the fucking head with a firearm? Please? I mean, what the fuck? Really now... do you know what time I went to bed last night? About 10.30. You know what the means? Yeah, eight hours of lying in bed praying for death. How is it humanly possible to lay awake in bed for eight hours? When I was a young sprat it used to take all my summoned will and resolve to stay up all night- and even then I couldn't pull it off most of the time. Now, now for fucks sake I can't fucking fall asleep. Every time I lay down my brain becomes a swarm of bees.

You're real funny God. Hil-fucking-arious.

 July 22, 2002  10.01am est  - Togaen

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can.

Another day, another breath, another sorrow, another breath.

 July 21, 2002  2.09am est  - Togaen

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

When I was filling out the date up there I accidentally put the year as 2009. It made me think. Where will I be in 09? What will the world be like? I have a funny feeling that the only things that will change are the things that don't matter.

 July 20, 2002  10.20pm est  - Togaen

Alright, so I'm bored and lonely and I notice there are people out there in the world that, for whatever reason, still come here and look around. I give and give and give- you all have been reaping the fruits of my labour, so now, it is your turn to give to me. Make checks of $1000 or more payable to Jeff Johnson and send them to me. Yeah. Okay, upon re-evaluation that may be asking a bit much, so instead just send me¹ lots of e-mail telling me what you are looking at and why it's the greatest thing you've ever seen.

¹me =

Archived News:
3/6/01 - 6/1/01    6/2/01 - 9/16/01
9/16/01 - 2/14/02    2/17/02 - 7/20/02
7/20/02 - 1/26/03    1/26/03 - current