The Adventures of Crack Dog: Pt. 2
By: Tristan "I gave a certain someone the clap" Reitz

"Guitars and Crack do not mix"

     The voice echoed throughout the abandoned warehouse. An evil, sinister horrid, voice that could only be of one evil mastermind. The evil John Tonne.(Play ominous music now) His hands were covered in a certain white substance, which if you do not know what it is, letís just say in rhymes with crack. His small ,weak, and girly little hands pushed a red button which turned a large machine on. The crack powder was sifted into a large basin, and was then put onto a conveyor belt. The crack was made into large bricks that then went into another machine. The buzzing of saws then filled the room and when the crack bricks came out of the machine they were shaped like..bass guitars. John ! grinned an evil grin, kinda like the grinch grin except much, much more evil.

"hahahhahaha" he laughed " with all the crack in the world at my disposal, I can rule the world with my CRACK BASS GUITARS!!!HAHA and NO ONE CAN STOP ME MUWHAHAHAH! Not even that hyperactive superhero CRACK DOG!!"

Liaka sat in the corner with an expression on her face only a deranged monkey could love.

"I cannot believe that dastard bastard is going to take all the cccccrack!!" Liaka whispered to herself " I know of only one superhero that can stop this mad man! CRACK DOG!!"

Lika then took off like greased lightning on crack to her secret underground Crack Dog Cave, where she had state of the art Crack Crime fighting equipment, and her new secret weapon.....THE CRACK MOBILE! Lika HAD to figure out a plan to stop John, so she would need some time to herself to think one up. But she knew that to stop him, she would need help. But who should she ask??? Should she ask Tristan, the crack inspector of the world? Maybe, but he was too busy dating Natalie Portman. Anne Tonne? No she is related to John and was probably in on the whole thing too! There is only one thing Anne likes more than german culture, and that is german crack.

"I know" she yelled, spitting out 12 gallons of saliva in the process " I can break into Johnís secret Crack Guitar Factory, and make sure that those evil machines never make crack guitars again!!, ...And I can also bite the machines a lot and slobber all over the place!!!"

     Liaka had her plan, and as far as plans go........this one.....was......definitely a Liaka plan. But she had enough faith, enough courage, enough crack to know that she could make it work!


     John walked out of the factory and headed into his Bonneville. He slipped the key into the speedomoter and turned. Several minutes later he realized his mistake and corrected it accordingly. He then drove to his secret evil hide away, so he could get his evil sleep.

     Liaka watched him pull out of the driveway and smiled

     "My plan is working GREATTTTTTT" she said biting the side of the warehouse" She then sneaked across the yard into the warehouse. Using her keen crack sense she located a weak point in one of the doors, and jammed her nose into it, breaking the old wood. Sneaking through the small crack (no pun intended...oh ok I intended it) she entered the dark and dreary factory.

     "This place smells so so very very wonderfully crack like" she whispered.

"Now all I have to do is find the machine that transforms the crack into those horrible stupid bass guitars.....AND DESTROY IT!" Liaka laughed to herself. Her plan was so simple yet so brilliant. Especially for Liaka, whose idea of a brilliant plan is to run into a wall sideways as opposed to head first.

She crept up to the machine as quietly as she could, which was not very quietly. The control panel was on the right side of the conveyor belt. When she looked at it closer she saw the intricate details of the main control panel. There was a giant switch on the panel......and that was really all it was. This confused Liaka for quite some time, but after a bit she calmed herself down and decided to go with her plan. The switch was set at BASS GUITARS.

     "That must mean that the machine is set to make Bass Guitars" Liaka brilliantly noted. She looked to the left of the switch and saw some more writing. The words appeared to say Dave Matthews Band CDs.

     " oh I have got a great IDEA!" Liaka said out loud to herself. "I will change the machine to make crack Dave Matthew Band CDs!"      She took her paw and switched the control panel to make DMB CDs.

     "now that evil, girly and extremely weak John Tonne will not know what hit him!" Liaka laughed " I cannot wait to see his face when he finds out that HE himself, JOHN TONNE is MAKING DAVE MATTHES CDS!! It is too much"

Tune in next week for Phase 2 of Crack Dogís ingenious plan!!

Will she be able to stop the evil John Tonne? Or will she jump around and bite things for 67 hours straight?? The answer to this and MORE!!!

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